Will it get better?

[CW2211]

I know a lot of replies will just be to see a gp or ask for more help etc but I’m more looking for things I can try and do to help myself or experiences from other mams in similar situations.

My son is 21 months and is the best thing to happen to me but lately also feels like the worst thing which I know sounds horrible. I was struggling around this time last year and was put on sertraline but I didn’t like the way it made me feel and I also was still in a relationship with my ex who wasn’t helping my mental health at all. I’ve since then moved back to my family and left my sons dad, am in a new relationship which is going great and I should be enjoying how happy I could be but my son is just really ruining things.
He doesn’t eat, doesnt sleep well at all and is still breastfeeding all night and sometimes through the day because I just don’t have the energy to stop him and try hard at weaning. His routine is all over the place because he has to travel back and forth 3 hours to his dad every few weeks and stay overnight with him then come back to me and it’s as if he’s trying to make up for the time away by being extra clingy with me. I feel like I don’t get a break which I know lots of parents feel the same, and I actually get a lot more time without my son now than I ever did when I was with his dad and I’m grateful for that but it seems like even when he’s not around my mood is still low because I’m thinking and worrying about everything still.
It just feels like nothing will change and I’ll always feel this way like I want to either get rid of him or myself.
We can have really good days out at the park or seeing family but then it gets to tea time and bedtime and my mood just drops because I know he won’t sleep long before he’s attached to me all night feeding.
Does anyone have any advice for a toddler who doesn’t eat meals, snacks on rubbish even though he used to eat fruit and veg, doesn’t sleep longer than 2-3 hours at night and is too stubborn for his own good. Or for a burnt out sleep deprived mam who is ready to send her son away to his dad for good😩

He doesn’t eat, doesnt sleep well at all and is still breastfeeding all night and sometimes through the day because I just don’t have the energy to stop him and try hard at weaning.

Breastfeeding is wonderful if it works for you both but lack of sleep is horrendous for mental health. You say you’ve moved back to your family, can you ask them to support you with weaning? In my experience the first few days are hard but by the end of the week it’s done and in the past.

Stopping milk will usually increase solids intake as well.

They work and don’t have much time to spend with us so can’t really help with weaning, my new partners parents have been great and so helpful and my son has stayed with them a couple times which is good for the rest and I know he can sleep without milk but it’s just so hard to stop it when he’s with me. At the start of last month we had about a week where he fell asleep without it and slept longer than usual up to 5 hours at first and then he’d have milk through the night and be up more frequently for that but then he started asking for milk again to go to sleep and I just don’t have the heart to not give him it when I feel like I’ve put him through more than any kid his age should’ve had to adjust to by now and that’s his main comfort with me

I think a child would probably prefer to have a parent with a healthy mental outlook and the lack of sleep is detrimental enough to you that I would persist. If he’s really not sleeping at night away, it’s just a case of cuddles, rocking or distraction throughout the night until the new routine is established. Yes, it will be harder if nobody else will help because your baby will smell your milk and know you have it, but that isn’t a barrier to doing it alone.

Stop offering snacks and stop breast feeding (at least at night). Neither is giving you or your son what he needs.

I think it is really common for toddlers to be poor eaters and sleepers so don’t beat yourself up about it.

My six year old breastfed to sleep til he was about 3 and he still sometimes wakes up in the night. I also have a 21 month old who is a better sleeper than he was. I didn’t really do anything different in the early days but have stopped breastfeeding.

Have you tried giving your little one cows milk ( or non dairy equivalent) before bed? It sounds like a worthwhile swap if his sleep was better without breastfeeding.

For food I would offer things he will eat with the option to try new things. This is the fussiest age.

Do you have anything nice that you do for yourself? Toddlers are exhausting.