I have a 10 month old who I love with all my heart, but ever since she was born, I have felt like something bad was going to happen to her and I would lose one of the most precious things to me in the world. Im due back at work in over a week and I have no childcare because I haven't put her in nursery because I'm scared that if she cries to much, they may shake her. I do understand it may seem irrotational but it's a very real fear. The only person I trust to mind her is her dad but he can't have her whilst I go to work. She doesn't sleep well and it feels as though I breastfeed her all night. We co sleep mostly but I don't sleep well as I'm terrified I will roll over onto her and she will die. The times when I do fall asleep I wake up thinking I have rolled onto her and that she is dead. I feel exhausted, I have an 8 year old but I feel like I'm snapping at him if he is playing with her and I think hes being too rough, for instance he was bouncing her on his knees and I panicking and said stop bouncing her as you make shake her too much. I just don't know how to feel myself again. I feel awful because I'm gonna lose a job that I love because of my fears, I have been at my job 8 years but I don't know to make things better. I literally feel like such a shitty person.