Can intrusive thoughts start with I can’t wait/I hope?

[Anxiouslyh]

Can intrusive thoughts start with I can’t wait/I hope something bad to happen to someone.

Since being pregnant and having my baby I have suffered really bad with anxiety which involved awful/traumatic intrusive thoughts. I am on medication now and not getting any new thoughts but I’m tormented by some that I have had that just won’t go away and cause me distress and guilt.

The main one is that all my horrible thoughts have meant that I can’t wait for something to happen to my little baby 😢

I just want to point out that I love my baby unconditionally he is my whole world and all I have ever wanted.

The anxiety started in pregnancy then when my little boy was five weeks old things suddenly got worse. To the point I convinced myself something bad was going to happen.

Yes, these are what intrusive thoughts are. Imagining awful things happening to yourself, partner or baby. Some can be “what if I did this to my baby” or “what if I left the gate open and he fell down the stairs” for example.

I would definitely reach out to doctor / health visitor for support.

However best thing to do is remind yourself that you are having these thoughts because you are terrified of anything happening to your baby, not because you want it to happen. Try not to feel guilty, instead, after you have the awful thought say to yourself “that was an intrusive thought and I won’t feel guilt over it. I know I’m having these thoughts becuase it’s common and I love my baby” when you kind of start accepting them and moving on from the thought… they start to go

Thank you! I reached out for help 3 months ago and have been on medication and started therapy.

Like I said I don’t get new ones as such now just guilt that I thought the thoughts meant I wanted something to happen and that I couldn’t wait for it to happen. Now I get the thought I can’t wait…. In my head on repeat. It is starting to fade thankfully and I’m hoping one day it won’t be there 😢

@Crystalbabe you say it starts with what if. But can it also start with I can’t wait.

For example…
I can’t wait for something back to happen to someone?
or I can’t wait for … to die?

when you know that is the last thing of earth you would ever want to happen.

You're describing an intrusive thought perfectly OP, ie I can't wait for ... to die, knowing its the last thing in the world you want to happen. That's why the thoughts are intrusive, they go against every fiber of your being, in reality you would do anything to keep your baby safe. Intrusive thoughts are often the opposite if what we want to do. I get them when I'm on a bridge or a train track "I could just step/jump now." It's to keep me safe, that's why we have them, so then I'll take a step further away from the edge and survive and procreate.

The best way to deal with intrusive thoughts are to not give them any air time. If I told you to not think about a white rabbit, do anything you can to not think about a white rabbit, you'd think about ... a white rabbit. You can try to acknowledge your thoughts and try to distract yourself from them, but don't try to not think of them, the more you try not to think of them, the more you think of them, ie the white rabbit analogy. Try and shrug them off, don't give them any weight over you. They mean you adore your child and want to protect them. I haven't explained this very well, it's harder over text and I'm also sleep deprived with a new baby 😂 But allow yourself to acknowledge the thought, accept it and then move onto something else, ie a more pleasant thought, snuggle your baby, have a coffee - distract yourself.

Hope your therapy is helping, you're cleary an amazing mama x