Difficulty making mum friends

[Nomumfriends]

This is going to make me sound incredibly whiney and pitiful but did other people have difficulty making mum friends after having a baby?
I don’t know if I am being over sensitive or just a bit pathetic but I feel really quite lonely and sad I didn’t make friends of parents of the same age.
I missed Nct classes because I had preeclampsia so didn’t make friends there. I’m an older mum (not by choice) too (i don’t want this to become a debate about having children over 35 but in context I’m now 40). I also live in a small town but didn’t grow up here. I have friends from pre baby but given my age, lots of their kids are now older and don’t want to play with my 14 month old. I was also diagnosed with pnd but have since stopped my medication and had some counselling.

I did go to baby and now toddler groups and I try to talk to people. I have tried to invite people to things. But I now feel I must be fundamentally unlikable!!
my little one is now one and I just wondered if anyone had any suggestions s to what I’ve done wrong? Or what I could do differently?

All your baby needs right now is you. Continue to bring your little one to parks and kiddie play areas and baby pool time so she can socialise with other babies but her friends will come later and so will yours. You will be sick of play dates and catch ups when your little one starts nursery/school.. thats when you and her will find long lasting friendships

I totally agree It’s so tricky to find mum friends! It’s definitely not that you are doing something wrong. I missed NCT with my first and had the same experience. Luckily my health visitor referred me to a new mums group and I met some mums there. Have you tried mums meet-up? Or just simply posting on the local facebook page, I’ve seen mums doing this before and they always seem to get a good response. Going to the same play groups each week helps too- you get to know the other people even if it’s just to say hello.

I don’t have lots of suggestions as I’m shy and find it very difficult. I don’t think it’s all me - many groups seem to be full of grandparents and childminders rather than mums. Many mums are also v focused on their child rather than making friends.
It’s hard finding people who I have some things in common with other than the fact we have a toddler/baby. I’d suggest choosing a group that appeals to you as well as your baby. It takes time and consistency, and being proactive. I’m at a really nice group with people I’m having good chats with alongside the activity and have made a deal with myself I’ll invite the group for coffee after the session in two weeks - giving myself the deadline to be active really helps!

I struggled with this too OP, I'm also an older mum. It didn't much bother me, but I did worry about my LO not having many play dates....but as the pp said- it really doesn't bother them when they're young. As long as you're getting out to groups etc so they get some stimulation. I found to helpful to just focus on my time with my daughter, the odd bit of chit chat with other parents if I felt like it. I think it helped when I went back to work as I had my own thing back then and started my own hobbies etc back up. Try not to let it worry you and do what you enjoy, and you might find some friendships naturally evolve from there.

Ohhhh I have been there. I used to turn up to things and all the other mums seemed to be in these well established little groups. I was very lonely too - it felt like dating all over again asking random women to come back for a cup of tea etc and being rejected!

Two things happened. Firstly having persisted in going to baby and toddler groups I eventually found a nice mum who admitted being as lonely as me and we became friends (not massively close but close enough) and I went back to work and I stopped caring because I had social connection again.

I found when my eldest started pre-school and primary that it was easier to make friends. Yes there are school gate cliques but generally most women seemed more open and friendly once the intensity of the baby years had passed (me included!)

I know it is hard and your pregnancy and post period sounds really tough. But do keep going and showing up - see it as just getting out of the house and if you find a few kindred spirits then that is a bonus but not the main event and it will take the pressure off you.

So I was similar to you. Moved from the city to a small town where everybody has been to school together. Lots of very set established friendships. It has taken me far longer that a year to make anything close to friendships. I’ve been here about 6 years. I go to a lot of baby groups and I volunteer. I’ve had to put myself out there and sometimes it’s fallen flat but I have gotten to the stage where there’s a few mums that I get invited out with now and again and have the odd with coffee with. I’m still very much on the periphery and feel lonely sometimes but it has got better but it takes time and you have to be brave about it and willing to accept what feels like rejection. This age group are incredibly busy and lots of people just don’t have room for new people but you will find that some do. Eventually!