Is this normal or do I have PND

[SophNx]

My baby is now 5 months and I’m a FTM.
There is no doubt that I love my baby so much, however I feel as if I’m really struggling and I don’t know if this is normal feelings or I may need to think about PND?

if im honest I’ve struggled since the moment i brought her home, I clinged onto the fact baby blues will pass and then after three months it should get easier. She is now five months and apart from getting a little bit more sleep and her smiling more, I do not feel as she has got easier or anything has got easier really.

she is a typical high needs baby even my own mum says she can be really hard work (my mum helps me out so much I probably wouldn’t be surviving right now without her). I feel as if I get no enjoyment from her i may get around 20 mins a day of enjoyment. I know babies aren’t easy and mine fusses, fights sleep and cries majority of the time, but am I meant to feel unhappy? I’m also anxious in public places I feel like people are staring and I lose all capability. I understand it’s normal to feel down on some days but she is all I think about 24/7. I find it hard to be positive about her and then feel
guilty and think am I good enough?

is this normal does anyone relate? X

How often are you mixing with other people?

Can you go to some baby groups? I think it's so important to chat to other mums who are going through that same. Don't underestimate the value of socialising.

Also do you have an evening off to do something for yourself like yoga? Or a walk? A hobby ...anything?

I'd encourage you to talk to your health visitor, they can do a simple questionnaire to determine whether it's PND. It was my husband that recognised it in me first then I spoke to health visitor who spoke to my GP then I went on antidepressants for the first and only time of my life. It helped me get out of the rut I was in and enabled me to make positive changes which helped me to live a bit more!

@ConfrontationDoesntHaveToBeScarey
i do try and get out and about even if it’s just for a walk when it’s not raining, I have a sister who i see twice a week and a friend with a baby similar age, however this just makes me feel worse as her baby just sits and smiles and mine I constantly screaming.

I don’t really have any time away from her maybe like an hour or two every week maybe that’s something I need to do more.

thanks for the advice

Looking after a baby is so difficult!! It is totally normal to be struggling with it.

Yes have a think about what you'd like to do that you'd enjoy. It's for you and the baby because if you're happy, baby will be happy so don't feel like it's a selfish thing. Obvs it's not your fault if baby is a high needs baby and cries a lot.

I hope you will be OK. 💐💐

How do you feel about speaking to your health visitor about it? I just text mine to ask for a phone call and she rang me a few days later and I just said I was struggling with crying a lot. Then she came over for a face to face appointment and did the questionnaire.

I've had a high needs baby and a chilled baby and my god, the experience is so different!!!! It was so hard achieving things that other people seemed to achieve without thinking about it (Eg getting the baby to go to sleep!!!). Looking back I probably did have PND but I couldn't see or admit it through the fuzzy tiredness and the overwhelm of being on duty 24/7. I really struggled with how emotional I felt all the time. Please see and chat to your GP or health visitor as there is a questionnaire which can diagnose pretty quickly if you are suffering from PND. I never did it but should have done, looking back. I actually started to feel better when I started exercising regularly and sorted my diet out, which coincided with getting more sleep and moving the baby into their own room (at about nine months old). Before that I just felt like a walking shell of a person. You don't necessarily have to have medication but there is no shame in asking for help. Looking after babies is bloody hard!

@catsnore thank you so much I needed to hear that. It’s so difficult I’m thinking of speaking to Gp or health visitor. I’m not someone who would go to the GP’s or ever speak about my mental health but I’m just worried I wont ever feel better. i see life as just getting up surviving the day and repeat x

It will get better. Each stage brings new challenges but honestly it will get better! You will feel like 'you' again. And you'll be stronger having got through it.

I think a pp mentioned this but making sure you do something for yourself every day is really important. Even just a quick walk (even in the rain!) can make a difference. I used to get up before everyone else so I could have breakfast on my own. I don't know why but I coped much better with the morning routine once I'd had peaceful coffee. Finding little moments in the day where you have a minute to yourself - whatever that is for you.

I think it's a great idea to speak to health visitor or GP. It's really tough when things are like this and you deserve support. GP may also be able to check if there's anything making baby so fussy- ours was like this, poor sleeper, cried lots, until we eventually realised she had allergies to dairy&soya and she was so much better once we cut them out of the diet. Hope things get easier for you soon.