Third pregnancy - keep panicking

[Apraisechorus]

Hi,

I was wondering if anyone could help me. I am currently around 17.5 weeks pregnant with my third child. Due in august - I have a son who will be just turned 6 and a daughter about to be 4. When I found out I was pregnant, I cried. Strongly considered termination but couldn't bring myself to do it because I was scared of how I'd feel after - so here I am. I've had my scan and all looks healthy and I know it's a little boy. I still haven't told anyone apart from my husband.

Initially after the scan, I felt a bit better. And my husband seems fine with it all. But now the panic and feeling of overwhelm is growing again. Things I'm worried about:

• Finding time to balance everyone's needs. I want my children to have hobbies and interests and want to be able to support them all and be there.
• Work. I enjoy work. I teach part time 3 days a week and use a childminder/nursery. Obviously when I'm at work I can't do the school run and feel guilty as it is. I don't want to have to leave my job. I'd like to go back full time when they're bigger but it doesn't feel possible with 3. It's going to be such a juggle.
• Money. We are comfortable but not wealthy. I'm worried about affording to support three children. Being able to give them hobbies. Being able to support them in their future, if they want to go to uni, buy houses etc. Goodbye nice holidays and disposable income.
• Lack of family support. My mum lives about 3 hours away. She's great and visits lots but obviously it's a long way. My husband's parents are both getting older now. I very much do not have a 'village'.
• My daughter is very much the baby. I'm worried she'll resent a sibling.
• I love my children beyond measure but I also find motherhood tedious at times and need time for myself and again this seems impossible with 3. The feeling I'll never have peace again.
• Back to square 1 with sleep, breastfeeding, nappies...
• Worried about worst case scenarios... Like severe autism or another disability or health issues.

I feel completely trapped and have moments of total heart racing panic. I already take sertraline 50mg.

Any advice? Please help me stop spiralling.

[DrFroggy]

Hi OP I have three with similar age gaps (slightly closer together). Mine are now 17,15 and 12. I would say everyone has been able to do their hobbies - yes it’s been a bit exhausting sometimes having to bring the other two to watch/wait and a bit of a crazy juggle at times but it’s been ok. Holidays we mainly stick to cottages because hotel rooms for 5 are a bit tricky, but can be done. Unless you’re planning private school (which we did not) then I don’t think it’s too much more expensive. I went back to work 3 days when youngest was 9 months and have worked ever since. The small children bit was a bit crazy but I was much more relaxed with the third and hence he is more chilled and has been an absolute delight (teenage years pending!). Overall I’m glad I had three. Sorry that was a bit of a ramble. Feel free to ask any specific questions! (I also don’t have much family support).

[Apraisechorus]

Thank you for replying. I don't know if my feelings are rational and balanced or not. I just feel gripped with panic. Like everything is so good with the two I've got, I was starting to get my life back and I'm scared of ruining it all. My son was a very unsettled and difficult baby (although is a delight now), my daughter was an angel... Is that the only reason I made it work with two? What if I get another colic/reflux one? What if this turns into postnatal depression? With my daughter I remember floating on cloud 9 but there's no guarantees.
I think it's the work thing especially. I'm so scared of being stretched too far. Also damaging my relationship with my husband as sleep deprivation is a strain.

[ohfook]

Hi I'm just a few months in with mine so I can't comment on all of your worries yet. I can say that I had all of the same fears as you and so far they haven't materialised. It feels like the new baby has just slotted right in tbh to the point where I said to dh that it felt like he was always meant to be part of our family.

That's not to say there haven't been challenges obviously, but there always are challenges with children! What I will say though is the sling has became my best friend - like I quite liked it when my older ones were younger. Once you become outnumbered, it's a necessity. I'm actually looked through vinted for a second one for when my current one is in the wash.

[Apraisechorus]

Thank you. I really hope that will be the case for us too.

I really want this panicky feeling to be gone. I wish I could just be happy and positive.

[intheloft]

I'm feeling the same way op, 10 weeks pregnant and we have a 6 and 8 and have been ttc for 4 years and now it's really happening I think the reality of it has hit me.
Going back to square one like you say and my youngest has been acting up lately and I find myself thinking I can't do this again.
I also worry about the effects on my now 40 year old body.
I was lucky before and got back into shape quickly, am I pushing my luck now?
I suppose I had given up hope and now suddenly there's a huge age gap and although we haven't told the dc yet as I haven't had my 12 week scan dh "hypothetically" asked them if they'd have liked a baby brother or sister and they both screwed their noses up and said no!

[Apraisechorus]

@intheloft sorry to hear you're feeling like this. It's really hard.
But if you've tried for 4 years then I'm sure there were good reasons you wanted another that you should focus on. And I'm sure they will feel differently once baby is here. My messages are always open.

I'm also trying to decide whether to keep my older one's childcare routine the same, even though obviously I'll be at home. I worry about them getting used to me being around all the time and then suddenly having to take that away from them again. Along with worries about how hectic it will be when I do go back to work.
My new worry this morning is also about having an august baby. Especially knowing he's a boy. Worried he'll be so little starting school and will always be behind and resentful when he becomes a teenager.

[Apraisechorus]

I just asked my 3 year old if she'd like a baby brother or sister and she replied, "no, babies are boring!" Despite playing with dolls all the time...

[intheloft]

@Apraisechorus I was an august baby and I've never struggled or even noticed being one of the youngest.