Depression or do I want an abortion

[cassiejasmine]

Hi, please no judgement, I feel awful as it is.
I'm 13 weeks pregnant, and I'm not excited or happy at all about my baby, I thought at first it was because I've had previous miscarriages from a long later relationship, we broke up and I started seeing a lad, anyway after 3 weeks mistakenly fell pregnant. Since the start I tried breaking up with the lad and told him I didn't want his child, he managed to convince me to keep it, anyway after another few weeks I left him completely. I thought after the dating scan I'd feel more happy about the baby, as the pregnancy was at less risk of miscarrying- I didn't. I had the dating scan 4 days ago and I felt nothing. The baby was swallowing, moving, jumping and still I felt so happiness or excitement. I have 3 older children and I have NEVER felt like this when pregnant. The doctor has put me on antidepressants for two weeks and then if I feel the same we will explore other routes. Am I depressed or do I genuinely hate this baby? Cos I feel I do. I feel terrible. Please no judgment I mentally cannot handle it.

[ArchetypalBusyMum]

Very hard to feel thrilled about a pregnancy from a man with whom you don't have a deep connection. With 3 previous children you know what a massive effort goes into raising them and without a strong partnership to support that it's really tough.

Why wouldn't your feelings be real and not 'only' driven by depression!? In the circumstances you describe I'd be amazed if you were delighted.
The only question is whether you want to go ahead anyway and make the best of raising the child, or whether that's too big an ask.

I think a child unloved and unwanted is a desperately dreadful thing, so not wanting baby now makes plenty of sense, but I'd only go ahead if I thought I could find some love further down the line. You would never want this child to feel second best to it's 3 older siblings.

Whatever you feel is right is all that counts because whichever way you go you're the one living with the consequences forever.

I would try to get some pro choice abortion counselling rapidly so that you can try to satisfy yourself as to the source and true nature of how you feel and what motherhood would entail for you this time and whether you want to rise to the challenge.

[MassiveOvaryaction]

Oh love

You can be depressed and also not want to have this baby. Or you could be protecting yourself emotionally by not engaging with the baby. Just because the other person wants it doesn't mean you have to. You don't have to have it.

Have you got anyone you can talk to about this? Marie Stopes clinics can give advice and counselling - 0345 300 8090