Being with someone who cannot handle tears

[yoghurttops]

As a person I can be teary. Particularly if I am sad or angry. I ’m waiting to speak to my midwife about having antenatal depression.

Myself and OH have recently had to have very difficult conversations about our future, becoming parents, living arrangements etc and during these conversations I find myself bursting into tears. Or sometimes we will watch something and it will make me cry.

My OH hates it and doesn’t know how to deal with my emotional side at all which has amplified since becoming pregnant. Over the years I have learned not to cry.

He now keeps telling me “you need to control your emotions” and “you cry too much”. When I cry he shuts down. The last time I teared up because we were discussing pregnancy options he asked me to leave his house because I was being rude (I froze and became teary and as a result said I needed a moment as I was forcing myself not to cry).

I now feel like I cannot speak to him about anything that might trigger me and he has always been the person I go to.

I can also see how being and looking like an emotional mess must be difficult for him when he is not used to this side of me.

How do I deal with this?

[CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau]

Advance warning: this relationship didn’t turn out well. But I had an ex who didn’t know how to cope with me being emotional and one day we chatted about it. I literally pretty much said I talk, you talk and then you can just say it’s all right and pat me on the back. He pretty much did that and was astonished that it works so well. Men can occasionally not know what their partner needs and their response is withdrawal, not affection.

[RoseFirstTimeMum1]

@yoghurttops I’m so sorry to hear this. I B am also struggling with antenatal depression and it’s awful.

You said your other half doesn’t know how to deal with your emotions. Would it be worth proving him with a guide? To make it clear you aren’t expecting him to fix everything, he just needs to listen/ cuddle you/what ever it is you need?