Not enjoying motherhood

[Dolly2288]

Does anyone else not enjoy motherhood? I find it so overwhelming. Baby is nearly 1, and I've felt like this for a long time. I don't know if it's postnatal depression or it's the fact I don't enjoy it, I look at her and feel like my life has been ruined. I struggle to make decisions now and when I do feel like I've made the wrong one. Feel like everyday is a battle and I don't look forward to spending time with her.
I can't get out of a negative mindset, it's coming between me and my partner, it makes me not want to be with him and I resent him, I can't wait to go back to work and be away from home.
I think him and her would be much happier if I wasn't in the home. Everyday is literally like a chore.
Does it get easier or is there something wrong with me as to why I can't seem to cope?
Advice needed no judgment please

I lasted four and five months each time on mat leave and went back to work. Instantly felt 100% better. It was the beginning of things becoming easier. From three years it was a piece of cake.
Why have you not returned to work earlier?
Fwiw, twenty years on, all bonded just fine and never a single regret.

It can does get better. Have hope.
There are many threads on this exact question here, have a look as they are stuffed with wise advice, camaraderie, wisdom and support...
Do you have space to yourself occasionally?

Oh bless you, motherhood is HARD!! and you are not unusual in feeling this way. That first year in particular is a slog, and I don't think I ever expected to feel so overwhelmed and trapped as I did. And I know what you mean about decisions, it feels like you suddenly have to decide so many things and I just wanted someone else to come along and tell me what to do sometimes so I wouldn't feel so responsible and it wouldn't be my fault if I got it wrong. I had awful post natal anxiety too so don't remember huge amounts of the first few months, but even when I was coming out of that I remember the heaviness of feeling like my life had changed utterly and everything was on me.

Does your partner do his share of parenting? I would sometimes say to mine, I need you to make the decisions this weekend or whatever because I couldn't bear it being all down to me! I went back to work one day a week when she was 1, and even that day made a big difference to me as I felt I had a little bit of my identity back as sometime other than Mummy. So if you're going back to work things may feel a bit different. But you could still talk to the GP or health visitor if you feel you may have post natal depression, there is help available..I had counselling and anti depressants which helped. My daughter is almost 6 now and life is so much easier, I found the toddler stage much easier than baby, and pre school even better. When their communication develops it's loads better because you can understand their needs more and it's less of a guessing game! I also found once she was on one nap that made our days easier.

Sorry that was a long waffle but you are definitely not alone! 💐

I was the same. Love my child to bits, but I am not cut out to be a SAHM which is what maternity leave forced me to be.My advice, for what it's worth, is to go back to work/old hobbies etc and see if you feel better once you've changed things that way. I'm always wary of the automatic "there must be something wrong with me" that women have on this. Don't underestimate the monumental change that having a child is. Get some of the old you back!

Thank you all so much for replying so quick, im sat here in tears. I look at her and think she deserves so much better. I took a year off work thinking it would get better throughout maternity, and was hesitant about going back thinking it would add to my feeling, I'm now going back in two weeks cause I can't stand my mum role now. I look at everyone else and think how do they cope, I'm 35 and finding it so hard, I'm sick of being needed 24/7. I look forward to bedtime each night for her and then at the same time I dread it for how many times she will get up. My partner thinks it's hard going to work I tell him he wants to try entertaining a nearly 1 year old. He doesn't get it. Going to work is the break. I feel like I'm wishing her life away to stop me feeling like this. But then I'm thinking what if it gets worse. I see people put on fb how they are gutted their maternity leave is over and how much they will miss their little one. I feel the opposite, and I think what the hell is wrong with me, I should be so grateful she's beautiful and healthy. I feel so selfish.

Facebook, like all Social Media, only shows the good bits. You know this, I think.
I felt exactly same as you. I went back to work because it meant that my son got the best mummy, not a physical shell of her former self. He also gets to learn how to be apart from me, and trust that I will always come back for him. He's the most securely attached, socially confident little thing. Nursery did what I couldn't, and taught him to socialise, share etc. He gets to play all day, and I get myself back. We both win.

Controversial, and aware this is not the point of thread, but I was also 35 when mine was born. I think we've tasted independence in a way that having a child at (say) 21 would not have given us. Means we have a bigger adjustment to this new normal than some others, perhaps.

You will feel much better when you go back to work. I felt a sense of purpose again and it made time with my child much more enjoyable