Not sure what to do or think atm. My mental health seems to have plummeted over last few weeks. Sorry for the lengthy message…
Over the last 2 weeks I have been breaking down anywhere from 3-9 times in a day over tiny things and been crying like a baby non stop. I am struggling to allow my partner to have any say or control over our 8 month old daughter, if he does anything I have to walk out the room and hide in another room to cry. I just don’t like it. I have been this way since she was born but it was manageable it wouldn’t make me cry I just struggled to give over control but generally managed but over the last few weeks I’m at a point I cannot even give over control without breaking down now. I also just feel like a generally crap mum and cry if I even accidentally upset any of my children.
Earlier on this morning my partner was holding our daughters hands and she was standing up then I stupidly passed him a bottle of milk and when he grabbed it she toppled down onto the bed and started crying so I instantly walked out the room and locked myself in the livingroom for 30+ minutes crying and refused to leave the room to go near either of them.
A bit of background which might give some insight…
I am 37 with depression, anxiety and unofficially diagnosed with ADHD. I have a 15 year old son (Cameron) , an 8 year old son (Patrick) with major behaviour issues. He is nearly 2 years into his wait for neuro with camhs to be tested for adhd and autism. His behaviour has deteriorated since the schools split up end of June ( we are in Scotland) and an 8 month old daughter (Sophie). I am also 15 weeks pregnant with baby number 4 (was 4 months post partum when found out I was pregnant again, after having my daughter by Caesarean section.)
I was on sertraline for my depression up until about 4 months ago when I forgot to take them for a while and didn’t go back on as I felt fine.
Ever since my daughter was born everyone was telling me how she looks like her daddy and even he would say things like “she’s doing this like I did or she is acting like me (him not me)” etc. It bothered me a wee bit that no one ever said she was like me etc but has only just really become a biiiiig thing in the last few weeks.
We have also been living in a tiny 2 bedroom and storage room/box room flat that is too small for us and we are tripping over each other. The size and tripping over each other has had me very stressed out recently but we have just applied for a 4 bedroom house just up the road and should be getting the keys next Friday then moving the following Monday.
I have 2 pretty life affecting health conditions that flare up badly when pregnant. One is called bile acid malabsorption and was caused by having no gallbladder (it was removed 10 years ago) and the other is inflammatory gout (rather than focusing on 1 joint and causing it a lot of pain I get mild to moderate all over joint pain affecting mainly my knees, wrists and elbows but can affect any joint. It’s more similar to rheumatoid arthritis).
Thanks to my health conditions and past operations and adhd I ended up addicted to codeine about 8 years ago and have been on an addiction replacement therapy (my 3rd try to come off. The 1st 2 failed) since august 2020. I am about 8 weeks away from fully coming off my replacement therapy.
My daughter, myself and my partner all currently have the flu and I’m on antibiotics for a urinary tract infection as well.
I think I am mainly looking for advice on why people think my mh has got so much worse recently and advice on what to do if possible.