New mum feelings different

[Lolly127]

Hey all ,
im 5 months postnatal and still don’t think I’ve bounced back . By that I don’t mean weight . I mean in myself and enjoying maternity . I had a bad pregnancy with anxiety and was under perinatal . Birth wasn’t the best , but I don’t feel traumatised I don’t think . It’s more the after math . Any new mum will agree it’s chaos . It was feb when I delivered and it took me months to leave the house , anxiety , avoidance and feeling meh . I am not wrapped with regret about this and it’s keeping me up everynigbt . I feel like I’ve wasted half my maternity . But it’s been a challenge and I’ve no up and go like other mums . My thyroid is under active since birth so won’t be helping . I wish I could go back ane start over . My girl is very happy and thriving , but I feel so guilty for not giving her my full potential . It’s like I’m wishing to start over , which is obviously impossible. I had a c section but I’m seeing others getting dressed out etc like it’s never happened and I feel like I must have been weak

Sorry . My regret is that I feel lazy for spending so many days in my pjs . Baby was always dresses and in ways it was a gorgeous bubble being locked away , but I’m worried we got it wrong and people are making comments about her not being out much . We get out now and go to classes etc , she’s got a lot of learning at the home as I used to work in a childcare setting . So she’s got every thing she needs . But I just feel I wasted time . I find maternity lonely

Hi @Lolly127
I'm feeling exactly the same. My baby was also born in February and I am overwhelmed by the fact that I haven't adapted to motherhood yet.
I completely understand you. I love my son sooo much, and he's thriving as well, but I'm struggling with depression most days, so we don't go out much either.
He's recently been going through a 'stranger danger' phase, so my parents suggested he needs more socialising, which obviously didn't help my mood. I forced myself to go to some baby groups only to come back more anxious than I left and really tired.
Not saying spending all day in the house is good for any of us, but I'm on a mission to be a bit kinder to myself and give me a bit more. A dear friend of mine told me that at this age, all he needs is me (and his dad) and 5 months is still early days.. My son is safe, he's happy and I try to make use of our back garden so he can get fresh air every day. Building up the courage to go out when I'm ready.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you are not alone, nothing is wrong with you, and better days will come.
Have you spoken to your HV/GP? I'm under the perinatal mental health team and they start me on some treatment but I know, deep in my heart, that all I need is time to adjust to this major life change.
Be strong OP, you're the best mom to your little one!

Thank you for your response . I feel like I glamourised maternity . Thought it would be all lunching and nattering with mums etc . Not atall , I’ve had a thyroid issue so I’ve felt so ill for the whole time. I assumed it was my anxiety , yet the bone tiredness was new and some other symptoms . We do potter to shops etc and so the occasional group . But I just can’t find my rhythm . Something isn’t quite right , but I can’t figure what . I’m going back to work in 10’weeks and I’m scared I’ve wasted precious time . But like you said and other mums . Maternity is for bringing up your baby , keeping them safe , secure and well bonded . And I’m certain we are doing all of the above . I just worry it’s time I’m never going to get again and it’s flown by

Hi, Just wanted to quickly say that a lot of us are In survival mode for a LONG time after having a baby. This is second time round for me and I must have forgotten the horror of it the first time around, because I thought I’d be living it up on maternity right now. Cue 2 months postpartum and I have horrendous anxiety that has taken over again. So maternity isn’t so great for a lot of us. I have come to accept this now. It’s a shame because it’s a year off work and could be amazing, but honestly for me it’s a year of adjustment, not relaxation. I really enjoyed my daughter thoroughly once the PPA and depression subsided and that was long after maternity ended!