Since my baby has been born I am unable to feel happy it’s nothing to do with her It’s me I don’t know how to explain it I do feel happiness but it’s not real it doesn’t last I feel ok one minute then I feel extremely depressed the next, I no longer like socialising, i don’t like people holding or touching my baby not even family and whenever I do go somewhere I’m filled with anxiety about my baby getting sunburn even tho I’ve put layer upon layer of sunblock on her and keep her in the shade I don’t trust the sunblock no matter what I do I can’t bring myself to trust it and just relax and for some reason I think it’s too polluted to bring her out and I get worried about the air she is breathing, yet I think staying home so much is making me worse, I am having bad thoughts about my friends, when they do something that they didn’t mean I think they did it on purpose my mind just automatically thinks the worst, when a friend of mine stayed over the other day, I thought I left my babies smart sock charging but it was actually in my bag, when I couldn’t find it I accused me friend of hiding it and and said she must want my baby to die and that’s why she hid it, and I really believed it at the time I believed she wanted my baby dead it’s a sock that monitors babies oxygen at night when they sleep and I can’t sleep unless my baby is wearing it and I put my friend out of the house afterwards I found the smart sock in my bag I called my friend in tears apologising, Ive been getting very angry very quickly with all my family and friends, one minute I want them with me the next I can’t stand them and start nit picking everything and finding problems, My moods are changing very rapidly lately and I think people are thinking evil or hurtful things about me or my baby it happens especially whenever i go anywhere with my baby, and I have started I don’t want to say the word incase it triggers anybody so I will just put S-H I haven’t done it in years but I have recently started doing it again I thought I was having a heart attack my heart really hurt and I couldn’t breath and for some reason I got the urge to S-H so I did it and I did it again a few days later and I am in tears as I am writing this looking at my baby sleeping peacefully I feel so bad for her that she has a mother like me sometimes I think she’d be better off without me