Hate being a parent

[Mum1017]

I hate being a parent most days. I have a five year old and a two year old. My two year old is being assessed for ADHD and is a handful to say the least. None of my family ever have him or want to look after him. They will have my eldest overnight on her own and take her out for trips without my youngest. I have been on antidepressants and anti anxiety medication since my youngest was born. I feel like I’m in this never ending haze of parent life and I cannot cope. I hate every bit of it. I work full time too. I have a husband who is the dad of the two. But I just feel all alone. I scream at the kids constantly and always feel extremely distanced and stressed. I feel like I’m drowning all the time and wondering if all of this ever gets easier. I just want a light at the end of the tunnel where I don’t feel like this anymore and enjoy having my kids and being a mum.

I'm so sorry, love. Is the youngest in nursery at all?

Yeah he goes to nursery every now and again. We have a mix of childcare. My husband works shifts so nursery isn’t always needed

It's not so much for the practicalities of childcare but just so you get a rest if you can afford it? I'm so sorry things are so hard

I commented this on someone’s post yesterday and wanted to copy and paste it so you know you’re not alone x

I completely understand where you’re coming from.

DD just turned 2 - when having her I had a spinal injury due to a mistake that was done by an anaesthetist whilst doing my epidural. I also lost 2L of blood alongside other things and literally nearly died. Struggled to bond with her as I was in and out of hospital without her and developed PND.

DS just turned 1 (11 months age gap between them) - he spent 6 weeks in NICU despite being born full term. Three months later we found out he has a rare genetic disorder which is also an intellectual disability. Whilst pregnant with him I was suicidal and was under the perinatal mental health team.

I still have PND and I’ve been on antidepressants for a year. I’ve had CBT therapy AND counselling. I also have a lot of physical support from their dad even though we’re not together. I left the kids with him today, had lunch by myself and watched a film. I get a lot of time to myself if I want it but no matter how many ‘breaks’ I have, I still feel the same.

Everyday is filled with dread. People give advice from a good place but they don’t understand that not everyone has to have PND or be in a bad place. Some women really do fucking hate being a parent. I’m switched on 24/7 and I’m just TIRED. My DD is suspected ASD too and I feel that she’s so much more difficult to manage/parent/look after then my son who literally has a life long health condition.

I have no advice OP but just know that you’re not alone. It’s hard. The only thing that I’ve found that’s helped somewhat is that my daughter started nursery one month ago. She goes three days a week and only does 1-6 but my God, it does me a world of good. I’ve purposely taken my days off on the days that she goes to nursery so I only have to deal with one child. That does help a lot. Could you put yours in nursery consistently each week for one/two days a week?

Sending my love to you, it’s hard isn’t it. Feel free to PM me if you’d ever like to talk x

Yes it does get easier, I’m 43 married at 17 had two daughters at 18 &20 then a son eight yrs later, It is hard mentally my husband worked nights and my youngest was ill she has severe allergies ( Anaphylaxis) from 4 months at times I felt lost, however I did have family near me, I look back on that time in life as if it was building my resilience and I am stronger now and have more empathy for people

I scream at the kids constantly and always feel extremely distanced and stressed

I completely get this. My eldest has ADHD and my youngest is being assessed for both ASD & ADHD.

When you say that you've been on AD's and anti-anxiety meds for a while, is there a possibility that you too have ADHD? Is this something that you've ever thought of?

Sorry forgot to add, you might get some more responses if you post in the SN Children section and have you ever rung the Pandas Foundation about your PNI? They're open 7 days a week from 12 am till 10 pm