Depression

[Sotiredanddone]

I have a gorgeous baby boy who I love more than anything in this world, he is perfect and so wanted. It was difficult for me to have him and I thought life would be perfect once he was here but I noticed my mind slipping when I was pregnant and when he was born my mental health has just got worse. I am SO scared of everything- all day, every day. My brain is constantly on alert for the worst case scenario, other people scare me, possible disease scares me, the world itself scares me and I feel like I’m constantly on watch for harm. I just feel like the world isn’t safe and my brain has gone into overdrive. I had multiple miscarriages before I had my baby and I feel like they happened for a reason and I wasn’t supposed to be a mum because I feel like I’m failing my baby so much. I can’t express how much I love him but alls I do is cry every day,I cry every time I look at my baby. I know how unbelievably lucky I am which just seems to upset me more. I keep thinking I must have done something wrong in the past to be punished by feeling like this. I have gone into myself, deleted all social media, I don’t really go out anywhere. He doesn’t go without a single thing but I feel like he’s not having a normal baby experience because of my panic and depression and I feel so guilty. I feel really suicidal lately because I feel so stuck in these negative thoughts.

I know I have PND, i have spoken to GP. I have tried anti depressants, group therapy, and private therapy. ( therapist believes it may be ocd?). I don’t know why I’m writing this just wanted to see if there are people in the same boat and how you cope?

[honeybunsleo]

Didn't want to read and run. Give medication a chance to work, it can take a while and trial and error as to which medication works for you.
What your feeling is so normal, just not a lot of people talk about it. Do you have a supportive partner and friends and family around you?