Difficult baby

[Tiredandupset1]

My DD is now 7 months old. I had a difficult pregnancy filled with anxiety, sickness and pain. The birth was ok, but ended up with an epidural headache that i was left with for nearly 2 days before docs finally done procedure to fix it.
From 3 days old my baby cried and cried and cried. And I mean screamed for 3 to 4 hours at a time before she would fall asleep from pure exhaustion. She would then sleep for 15 to 20 minutes before the screaming would start again. This was day and night.
Gp and health visitor didnt see anything wrong with this as she was gaining weight and 'thriving'
Long story but after 13 weeks DD was diagnosed with CMPI and silent reflux. We were given a perscription for Neocate and Losec and sent on our merry way.
Things did improve and she started to cry less and would now sleep for 2 or 3 hours in a row at night.
Shes 7 months old now and i am still constantly up throughout the night with her. The hours of screaming arent there but still she will cry and need to be resettled. Its during the day im finding things very difficult now. She wont let me put her down for 30 seconds before she kicks off. Im constantly having to carry her around. Everything is so hard. Even to make a bottle or try to make her something to eat now shes on solids means listening to screaming and crying. Naps are always a battle. It takes longer to settle her than she actually sleeps (usually will nap for 30 mins)
Solids are very stressful as she wont sit in the highchair for longer than 5 minutes before she starts the whinging and screaming.
Im just exhausted at this stage and the crying is really setting me off now. I wish everyday that i never had her. So far the negative times are really outweighing the positives. I used to be a fun outgoing positive person but now i spend my days in tears. My GP is useless. Told me to try baby gaviscon and go for a walk outside with her to calm her.
I live in a rural area and there are no other GPs to go to and the ones in the nearest town arent taking new patients.
Im just feeling like it will never get better at this stage

I had a really really difficult baby. Couldn’t put him down, slept on my chest for months. Screamed all the time. He’s now a lovely 11 year old. That first year was so hard I contemplated cutting my mat leave short. It will get easier, I promise. I notice that you have put this in post natal depression topic. If you are feeling depressed, speak to your GP (or a different one) about you and how you are feeling, avoid discussing the difficulties with the baby if you can. It’s your mental Heath you need to focus on.
Reach out to your HV also.

It sounds like you're having a really hard time.

Do you have any support, any one that could give you a short break? If not then online support groups/services might be helpful.

There are rarely simple solutions to why some babies are more difficult than others - it's often a complex mix of factors including personality.

I can certainly relate to the 'won't be put down' - I had one like this for a year, with the added bonus of a toddler clinging to my legs.

It did get better. Once they could move independently then the problem changed to clearing up the chaos they left in their wake. I still preferred that to the constant clinging.

In terms of weaning I think it is important to remember the 'under 1 it's just for fun' - please don't let food/feeding become a battleground, it will just make it more stressful for both of you - 5 minutes is probably long enough to try out a new food.

I think you need to go back to your GP, not for her, but for you because you need to talk about how you are feeling and see if they can offer any help.

Getting outside every day does help, it doesn't matter where - local park, shops, wherever you can walk to, the walking for you can be meditative and for her there are lots of things to distract her and stimulate her.

The reflux stage is hard, both mine had it, my son was wide awake for 22 hours a day and was until he was 5 and then his sleep gradually increased but only to 5 hours. My daughter was the opposite she was put on special formula she still projectile vomited numerous times a day but wasn’t in pain.
Log everything, and go back to yr GP, they should be able to help, speak to yr HV there are some fabulous ones.

I would guess that her prescription for the losec isn't high enough to actually control the reflux. We had the exact same issue and once it was increased to the correct dosage then the reflux settled down.

It will get easier I promise! My DD wanted to be on me constantly and for me 6m-12m was the hardest. Once she's on the move it will help. I can see you've said about the feeding and her not liking highchair- my DD is actually the same now even though she was fine younger- what I now do if it's just her eating is actually just sit on the floor with her, it's not ideal but it means she eats and makes life easier! She goes in the highchair for teatime as we eat together but if it helps the stress for both of you just sitting on the floor then so be it. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. I found that for that 6 months I basically lived on the floor, get all her toys/bits she plays with and just sit on the floor next to her. It will hopefully mean she will start to entertain herself and you can get at least 5 mins without her on you. As others have suggested 100% try and get back to GP to help with DD's reflux and hopefully that will also help. You're doing amazing and I promise it will get better xx

Hang in there 👍

Can you carry baby around in a carrier?
My first couldn't ever be put down and 7-9 months were really tough. At 9 months, it suddenly improved (he also had cmpa and I gave up milk when he was 10 weeks).

The carrier might be worth a shot to try get her to sleep (we'd have to walk outside but he wouldn't cry, he'd look around then just drift off)

I also think you should get checked for postnatal depression.

I remember walking into my doctors office and before I could say anything I was in floods of tears. I walked out with a prescription for antidepressants and in two weeks felt a really positive mood shift.

A difficult baby on top of PND would make anyone cry everyday.

My mum had a theory that you had to see a GP three times before they did anything (she wasn’t a fan of doctors), so please keep going back if you don’t get help right away.

Take care.

I had the same baby with my eldest OP, you have my full sympathies. My husband and I used to do 4 hour relay style shifts at night because if he was not feeding, he was screaming. He barely ever slept.

I just want to let you know that whilst in the thick of it, it feels like it will never get better, but it will - it really will.

If it all becomes too much, can you ask a family member or friend to give you some respite? Having had a difficult baby (who is a gorgeous very chilled 14yr old now) I am happy to sit with a screaming baby for a few hours for a friend... Its much more manageable when you are from outside of the situation. It might give you the chance to get a little bit of rest.

All these stages eventually pass. It is so hard at the time though. Sending you a massive virtual hug x

Oh my dear, I am so sorry! My story is similar to yours but I am 15 months in. It does get better! My baby was very demanding, a bad sleeper and a bad eater on top of the reflux and cmpa.

Things got better with medication and special milk (aptamil pepti 2 and omeprazole). For her neediness, she got better once she could crawl/coast (she doesn't walk yet but can be very fast).

The first year destroyed me. I am still recovering but it will take time. But it is much better now.

She used to wake up loads during the night and the sleep depravation really got to me. Things got much better once we started to co-sleep. We moved to a new place and got a superking bed so there is plenty of room for all 3 of us . She now mostly sleeps through the night. I really wish we'd done it sooner - especially since the nhs advice recently changed and they no longer advise against cosleeping.

Hang in there. And no matter how hard, remember she is so needy because she does need you. Be there. It won't be long before you beg for even a hug 🥺 (mine has already started to push me away to get to her toys hahahaha)

She is already on the highest dose of losec for her weight.
I dont think the crying is pain related anymore, as soon as shes picked up shes happy. But its very hard to spend the day carrying her around and not even able to go to the loo for 60 seconds without hearing the roaring.

DS was an extremely demanding, difficult, none sleeping baby and I can relate to everything you’ve written. Maternity leave nearly broke me. He was a bit refluxy and we did question CMPA, but I think the vast majority was temperament to be honest. He was supremely frustrated, needed more stimulation then his body could give him and he really hated the limitations of being a baby. He wanted to be held but hated the sling.

All I’ll say is it was like a switch was flicked somewhere around the 15 month mark. Basically when he could walk and started understanding speech/talking back.

He’s 3 now. I’ve accepted he’ll never be ‘chill’ and he still needs a fair amount of adult input and stimulation, but actually I would still class him as a pretty easy toddler. He spoke early and in complex sentences and we’ve had very little issue with tantrums, probably because he can express himself so well. He started sleeping when he was more physically exhausted and has been consistently sleeping through since about 15 months. As soon as he mastered walking, he was happy to sit in the high chair and pram again, having spent the 6 months prior to then screaming to get down. Funnily, he’s actually fiercely independent now, which seems so strange for the baby who screamed within seconds of being put down. He has an amazing concentration span for things he’s interested in - he’s been able to do simple sums from about 2.5 because number blocks maths seems to interest him. So many of his negative baby traits have turned into positive child traits, basically.

I went on antidepressants and I do think they helped. Otherwise please know that this phase won’t be forever. You’ve been dealt a rough hand in the baby stakes but there is light at the end of tunnel, if my experience is anything to go by.

Also my DH works 12 hour night shifts. So I am alone with her from 7pm until 8.30am. He helps for an hour when he comes home so I can get bottles washed and have a cup of tea. Then he has to go to bed for the day so hes able to work the following night.
His days off he spends out on the family farm so dont see much of him then either.
My MIL has started to take her for an hour twice a week which is something. My mother physically cannot deal with her as shes not able to carry her around for the day.
I have tried 3 different baby carriers and she hates them all. She crys if I pop her in the car and it takes the good out of going anywhere. Any walk in the buggy ends the same as I just end up rushing home to get her out to stop the crying.
I suppose that i had hoped things would have improved at this stage and have had to take extra time off work due to no family being able to deal with her for longer than an hour. Original plan was that my MIL and mum would take her for 2 days each during the week.

Thank you to everyone who has replied. Its giving me some encouragement to know I am not the only one to go through this :)

I really think you need to take a serious look at your DH's work arrangements...you both chose to have your baby and he needs to be sharing the load of all this with you, as it sounds like currently all his time is spent working or sleeping, and he doesn't spend any time with you and baby, that's no good for your relationship, his bond with your child, and it's no wonder you feel overwhelmed by the responsibility.

It sounds like your baby is experiencing early separation anxiety to me.