Antidepressants - do I need them?

[ThaliRose]

Hi everyone,

I just need a bit of advice really and apologise in advance for the long post!

I gave birth to my first child (a DD) 10 months ago and have been breastfeeding ever since. In the early days I had the 'baby blues' and bouts of bad anxiety but put this down to my hormones shifting after giving birth. I was having some online therapy for a little while, too which I found helpful but unfortunately can't afford anymore. I've decided not to go back to work due to childcare costs and circumstances and so I'm a full time mum for now. My DD has never slept well - ever. She averages 5-7 wake ups a night where I have to BF her back to sleep each time but this can be as many as 12 times a night where she wakes hourly .We co-sleep on a floor bed in her bedroom with my DP in our room so he can get some sleep for work.

So, for the past few months - I've been feeling especially down. I'm always exhausted, my mind is constantly running at 100mph with all sorts of worries about the past, present and future and I feel as though my self esteem has plummeted and every thought I have is tinged with doubt and negativity. Everything feels really, really hard.

Now, I just don't know if I'm chronically exhausted from sleep deprivation or if I'm depressed. My partner is amazing and supportive and will help me to try to catch up on sleep wherever possible, but the extra naps here and there in the days don't seem to do anything for my mood.

I'm hopingto go and see my GP on Monday as I'm wondering if perhaps breastfeeding has left me depleted in some areas, but also want to ask about antidepressants. Pre-baby I suffered with anxiety and panic attacks but never went on medication and tried to tackle it without. In this instance, I'm starting to feel as though there is no other option as DD's sleep situation is unlikely to suddenly improve.

What would you do?

Thank you for reading!

It’s really hard to say as you could just be exhausted or you could have PPD (or both).
Is there any way you and your partner could do some gentle sleep training? If you could beat the sleep deprivation then you might feel much better overall

@LapinR0se thank you for your reply. We actually contacted a gentle sleep consultant recently who gave us some helpful tips but nothing groundbreaking. I don't feel comfortable using CIO but perhaps it is time to attempt one of the gentler options. Honestly, the only reason we haven't is because by the time she goes to bed, we are both absolutely exhausted and haven't got the energy to stick to a regimented plan! It's a vicious cycle 🙃

Yes it really is. I would see if your partner can take a Friday off and then spend Friday Saturday and Sunday focusing on getting the baby into a routine and self-settling. This is doable in 3 days if both of you are totally committed and consistent. Do you want me to put up a routine for 10 months old and some settling techniques?
Give it two weeks of proper sleep and see how you feel - you might not need antidepressants. In the end I did but the doctor also said to me that sleep deprivation massively exacerbates anxiety and depression so the tablets would not have been enough if I didn’t also work on my baby’s sleep.

@LapinR0se yes please, that would be really helpful!

My gut is telling me that I would feel better after a few weeks of sleep, but we shall see.

Thanks so much

10 months routine

7am morning routine
Wake at 7 regardless of how much night sleep was had. Straight up and into a bright room. This is important to reset her body clock. Milk feed

Floor play, stories etc

8am breakfast: porridge and blueberries or scrambled egg and toast fingers or mashed avocado and banana with toast fingers. Plenty of water to drink.
Wash and change into day clothes/fresh babygro

9.20-10am nap 1
You should do all naps and sleeps in exactly the same place. Make the room dark and peaceful. Put on gentle white noise if you have it. Zip the baby in her sleeping bag. All of these are sleep cues. Put her down AWAKE.
You might need a sleep training technique here. Pick up put down is not great after 6 months. I would do shhhh pat and I would not leave gaps between visits any longer than 3 mins. You are not patting your baby to sleep. You are patting and shushing her until she is calm and then leaving the room.
Get her up by 10am regardless of how much sleep she has had.

Get out for some fresh air in the pram

11.30am lunch with plenty of protein. Good options are shepherds pie, fish pie, baked salmon fillet with sweet potato wedges.
Plain Greek yoghurt for dessert and some fruit purée. Plenty of water

12.20 small milk feed if necessary

12.30 nap 2. Do exactly the same as for nap 1

Wake your baby at 2.30 regardless of how much sleep she has had.
Milk feed and some rice cakes and banana

Get out for some fresh air

5pm dinner, carb-based such as baby pasta with 7-veg sauce, or butternut squash risotto. Fruit and rich tea biscuit for dessert. Plenty of water.

6pm bath

6.30 large milk feed

7pm bed with exactly the same environment and settling techniques as for the naps.

At 10 months she does not need any night feeds. You might need to do one until she is eating 3 solid meals a day, but after that you can just offer water and do the same settling technique.

Hi, this sounds familiar. My daughter was exactly the same. She’s now 4 yo. Up to 11 months she was waking every 1-1.5 hours and I was breastfeeding back to sleep. I was having panic attacks and felt utterly awful. I have history of anxiety so was predispositioned and the lack of sleep was the icing on the cake. We didn’t do the CIO method, but we did do a gradual retreat. My daughter is extremely strong willed and still screamed and resisted at times. It took a long time and I think eventually we went In and out at timed intervals to reassure her and reiterate that it was sleepy time. She started to sleep through the night. My mental health lifted with sleep and antidepressants. Life changed completely. She’s been a very good sleeper for years and is extremely happy - her teachers say that she is extremely happy girl. So the crying did not impact her.she always knew we were there and was reassured constantly.