To have a 2nd child and if so, when?

[Herts501]

My little boy is 2.5 and about to start nursery which has lead me back to the question of whether (or not) to have another child and if so when?

I went through IVF and then I had a really horrible time for the first 8 months of my son's life with my mental health and am now really agonising over this decision. We have one frozen embryo that we can try to use but currently I'd be terrified if I were to get present again.

Obviously there's an awful lot more detail here but my question is: did you go on to have another and if so, how long did you leave the age gap? (I'm 38 BTW)

Xx

*PREGNANT NOT PRESENT

Just hoping someone will comment, thanks x

Sorry to hear you had a rough time after your first pregnancy. I think it’s very common unfortunately 😔

Do you have any idea what triggered the depression and anxiety the first time round? Is there anything you could do differently?

For example one of my friends had a traumatic birth so had a planned c section the second time round, I also know people who have formula fed after a difficult time breastfeeding and who have bought in extra help for the early days.

There are no guarantees of course but a lot of people do find the second time easier (me included). Equally there are a lot of people who are happily one and done.

I think if you're terrified of getting pregnant and anxious about suffering from PND then it doesn't sound like the right thing for you.
I had a very traumatic birth with first and mild PND for about 8 months after. I was scared of giving birth again but really wanted another. We had a bigger gap than I would have ideally wanted because of the damage during birth which delayed conceiving. Second birth was far easier, less damage and no PND.

There is only 2 and half years between them but based on friends experiences, there is no ideal timeline for the best sibling relationship.

I agree that you really need to understand what happened to you and why after number one because having pnd once increases the chances following number two. So with addressing the potential triggers, early Intervention and support you could have a more positive experience next time.

I've actually had the opposite happen because of having no family support following number two and intense guilt for the impact of a baby on number one. I have bought in help.