Hi All,
This is my first time posting on MN and I have regularly followed the forum as a great place for parenting advice. So I’m hoping the community can help with some much needed advice for myself please.
My wife and I have been happily married for almost 5 years, we are best friends and have a beautiful young boy who has recently turned 3 years old.
After deciding to begin trying for a 2nd last August, we have been on a rollercoaster of (mainly) disappointment up until 2 weeks ago when we finally discovered my wife was pregnant again 😁
We were overjoyed with the news and naturally began planning and discussing everything you would do when expecting a baby. Names, calculating the due date, discussing when we would tell our friends and family, the order we would break the news, gender reveals, nurseries etc.
All until last week when the bombshell hit when my wife had a little bleed which continued until it was clear we had lost the pregnancy. The pregnancy only lasted 1 week. We were both devastated, cried together and have supported each other everyday since. My wife has been signed off from work as she is so upset and we are trying our best to get through the loss as much as we can.
My question for the forum relates to my wife as she has been suffering awfully since the news and her mental health has deteriorated into bouts of depression, anxiety and guilt. I support her in every way that I can and will continue to do so.
She has told me she feels responsible for the loss. That she no longer trusts her body, struggles to be happy for others who have recently become parents and has begun to doubt whether she can do it all again.
I genuinely try my best to support. But I am also conscious that her many close female friends and sisters may be able to add further support. Miscarriage can often be a secret, and I have suggested she should reach out to these supportive people, particularly her close friends who we know have had miscarriage(s) of their own.
I would like to ask the forum if I would be wrong to reach out myself to 1 or 2 of her friends and family who she is closest to and explaining what has happened? I am planning to explain how my wife is struggling right now and ask if they could contact her to provide their own support. I know they would do so in a heartbeat and would hate to learn that she is struggling so much.
Im aware that, no matter how much I try to support as a man, she may just find solice by opening up to other women who have been through the same and may be able to articulate how she can navigate through her mental health struggles from a woman’s perspective in a way that I could not.
On the other hand though, perhaps it’s not my decision to make and if my wife wants this support, she will do so when she is ready?
Either way, I will continue to support my wife forever but would be interested to hear opinions on wherever I would be right in doing so?
Apologies for the long post and hope to seek some advice.
Many thanks x