Hi!. My first DS sounds very similar to you with the allergies, sleep and breathing problems - people didn’t believe me when I would describe his sleep. He’d wake every 60 minutes for over a year, cry for at least two hours and fall asleep exhausted, only to begin again - I didn’t sleep for more than two hours a night (broken into about ten minute chunks) for over a year.
Babies are all so different and some just need more than we can give sometimes. It’s no one’s fault, just the luck of the draw, and it doesn’t make them any less special and perfect, or you any less capable.
I was at breaking point. I cried all the time and had very intrusive thoughts. However, I wanted to tell you it does get better! I’m currently rocking my DS2 to sleep (18m) whilst my DS1 (almost 3) is sleeping soundly next to me.
I have no magic cure, because I really tried everything. Cry it out, sleep training, co-sleeping, weaning, DH helping - nothing worked. But I wanted to come in here to give you some advice, that I wish I’d done the first time. It’s only since having my second that I’ve realised small things help you feel less shit.
- Daily morning shower - even if little one is crawling around it (as mine do!) I always feel slightly more human
- Set an alarm and get up earlier - I know this sounds like madness with sleep deprivation hell, and I never did it with my first, but every so often those quiet 30 minutes can give you a good bit of separation and personal space.
- Get outside - traipsing the streets with them in the buggy with an audiobook. The physical distance helped me relax a bit without them climbing all over me.
- Speak to your GP - I think you sound like you have PND. I refused to take any ADs first time round, which was such a bad decision- and I wish I had! I would have enjoyed that time so much more, even if they just slightly take the edge off.
- Are you breastfeeding? I was desperate to breastfeed, but struggled through the pain, bad latch, constant mastitis and limited diet for seven months, until stopping. I was worried I’d feel guilty but honestly, the first time he took a bottle (finally after months of trying), I felt nothing but relief. I still felt all the closeness through bottlefeeding, and I wasn’t so stressed and tensed and could actually enjoy it.
Anyway, sorry for my rambling, but please know that you are not alone, and I think at least 99% of new mums have felt like you do, even if they don’t like to admit it.
You are doing amazing, and I promise it will get better, even though it doesn't feel like it now. Please try those little bits of advice, as I think they would have helped me with DS1.
Big hugs and you can do this, one day at a time ❤️