I think I’m lost

[StrugglingMum1111]

Hi
I don’t know if I’m looking for advice and help or I’m here just to feel like I’m telling someone how I feel. But if I just need to get it out there and this way seemed less shameful.

first of all I don’t want anyone to think I haven’t tried counting my basic blessings. Yes I have a healthy family and a nice home but deep down I have nothing left to hold on to.

I had my first 2 children young and while I missed out on my 20s overall I enjoyed being a mum. I still felt like me. Like I had a personality and life to feel excited about.

I had a third in my thirties and shattered any dream of having ‘my time’ back when my other two were bigger. I had a few covid restrictive months of it where I could do what I wanted at weekend, make plans to take trips away, finally work full time to build a career and get some decent money behind me.

now I feel lost in motherhood and this time feels bleak and empty. Not like before.
i used to love dressing and putting outfits together and now I live in leggings and baggy jumper. I never socialise anymore. My days start at 4-5am and other than go to Tesco I haven’t done anything worth talking about all day. I walk around the front room holding the baby and load and unload the washing machine all day everyday.
I have no plans no life no energy.
my partner is frustrated I don’t want sex anymore. Once the children are all taken care off and I haven’t anything in the house left to do apparently we should then be having sex when we can. I’ve even apologised for it and all I’ve had back is that it’s frustrating for him.

he sounds bad he’s not he’s a nice guy he just doesn’t understand at all. This is his first baby and I think my misery is ruining the experience he was expecting.

I take longer in the shower these days so I can cry in peace. I have to resist the urge to not smack my face against the tiles because I’m so down and hate myself.

I don’t recognise this skin or brain I am in and I feel like a shell.

im beginning to run out of what little I have to hold onto.

again I don’t know what I’m looking for by writing this but maybe if I feel like one person has heard me it might make me feel less invisible.

the fact no one ever reaches out and offers to cook for me, do a school run, let me lay in or bring me a cuppa in bed ever makes me feel that I’m not worth it in the first place.

as I’ve been told I have had kids and this is my life now so I don’t know why I’m not more ok with it.

but I can’t carry on

I’m so sorry you are feeling like this. Having a new baby is tough. It must be a blow to feel you’re back to square one in terms of having some ‘me time’.

I’m not a health professional, but I have been depressed and this sounds like textbook depression.

If you only do one thing tomorrow, phone the Doctors surgery and book an appointment. Tell them how you feel. That’s all.

I know this might not sink in now, but you will get your life back. You will be able to go out and have fun.

but first you just need to get on an even keel.

Be kind to yourself too. Do one nice thing for yourself tomorrow- even if it’s just buying a nice coffee.

I find that getting out of the house for fresh air really works. A short walk can make all the difference- even when you don’t feel like it.

I think you also need to have a proper chat with your husband and maybe go to couples counselling, but that is for another day.

He obviously doesn’t understand how difficult having a baby can be.

Sending you a big hug!

It might sound ridiculous, but… you have identified at least four key things that you need.

This is important because you are still at a stage where you can do this. Sometimes people go beyond feeling anything and then it’s harder.

Tell your partner all four of these things need to happen this week and next week - and that it’s urgent. Tell him you need him (regardless of any excuse) to:

cook for me
do a school run
let me lay in
bring me a cuppa in bed

Then go to the doctor and tell them you’re suffering.

And then tell your partner or a good friend that you need to review where you are at in a week’s time and a fortnight’s time. More of the same? Different and even better?

Get your needs communicated and feel loved. This is a long journey and you need to work as a team.