I'm so lonely

[Pixie300]

I am struggling so much at the minute. My partner and I have a 3 month old daughter but I'm finding it hard to enjoy it. I am super lonely and constantly in the house 24/7. I am exhausted as I look after her all day and also do night feeds as my partner has to start work at 8.30am and needs his sleep. If the baby is sleeping I can't sleep because the house is always a mess and I need to make dinner for my partner every day. I feel like I'm losing my sanity. I have gained so much weight and struggling to lose it. I went from a size 8 to a 14. I have never felt so unattractive and disgusting in my life. I go days without a shower because I have no time to get one or I'm far too tired to get one when I have the chance. The thought of making an effort drains me. My sex drive is non existent and I'm living with the fear that my partner will lose interest in me. I just want a friend or someone who understands which is how I've ended up here. I get so upset and think this is the worst thing that has happened to me. I love my daughter but I don't feel I'm good enough for her. There's times where I've walked out of the house and thought about not coming back. I just want to feel like the person I used to be but my old self feels like a complete stranger. I just wish I could turn back time sometimes but then I feel so guilty. It's not my daughter's fault at all that I'm like this.

It's hard... but know that you're not alone! I'm right there with you in many respects! I have a 6 month old and it's HARD!!! I sometimes go days without showering, I haven't lost all my baby weight and, well, my poor DP must be hurting as we have had sex 3 times since conception (once since DS has arrived). You're not alone and please don't beat yourself up about things that, in the long run, really don't matter (I.e., not showering for a couple of days). You're taking care of you baby, making sure all needs are met, and making sure your needs, and DPs needs are also.

A lot of what your feeling I would consider as "normal", however, you might also have PND too ... or something similar... so maybe worth also speaking to your GP?

I assume you're up doing a feed - so am I!! We can talk if you like x

So sorry you are feeling this way. You are doing a great job looking after your daughter. At this point, just prioritize important things, you don't have to clean and cook everyday. You can cook more to cover 2 or 3 days, and rest those days. For showers, if baby is good in a bouncy, you can put her close to the shower and bath, you will feel so much better after a shower.

It's so nice to have someone understand what's going on. I'm a first time mum so alot of this is so overwhelming. Nothing really prepares you for this side of motherhood! I am definitely going to speak to my GP. I suffered from depression for around 4 years and only started to feel myself again last year. I have been putting off going to the GP as I was trying to avoid having to go through it all again with antidepressants etc. I am getting the contraceptive implant tomorrow and dreading the side effects such as low mood, mood changes and all that comes with it.

Motherhood can be a very lonely place when you are experiencing the most wonderful feelings being a new parent but also working hard and often alone during the day. It’s very normal. Definitely try to reach out to your GP join local groups. I used to go to a park meet with the babies it was good to exercise and meet other mums. I hope you can turn a corner. The tiredness is like nothing else. It does get better though. Good luck.

Do you have to have the contraceptive implant?

I got the copper coil (non hormonal) in the end as the pill gave me migraines, mini pill made me suicidal and depo provera gave me weight gain and (possibly) a permanent thyroid problem.

It's very effective and once in, you can ignore it for 5-10 years.

There’s no reason to remain in the house all day - I’d definitely recommend getting out everyday, even if it’s just for a walk around the block. You’ll feel loads better and get exercise as a bonus and baby will love it too.

Does your DP take the baby at all? You should be able to shower whilst he takes care of the baby, even if that’s just in the evenings? Can you ask him to step up a bit with the house stuff, you both live there and make the mess. It’s not going to be as clean and tidy as pre-baby but it shouldn’t be so bad it makes you stressed.

Can you try any baby groups? They’re a great way to meet people who are experiencing the same as you.

it gets easier, I promise!

Agree baby groups is good.

Talking to other adults during the day can make a huge difference, and mums of same age babies will really understand where you are coming from!

I felt the same op, It was such a shock to be a SAHP. I missed working, I missed my work friends. I no longer felt like me. The best thing to do is go to as many baby groups as you can. I went to them all. And I know they are hard work and meeting other mums might not be your thing but it gets you out the house and gives you a reason to get dressed and feel a bit more like your old self. If I wasn't out the house by 10am then I wasn't going out at all. A day at home in my house clothes was quite a depressing day. I eventually met one of my best friends at a baby group and we're still friends after about 10 years.

Pixie300 I was on your other thread today. Just wanted to post to reiterate getting help. Make that call today.

And if you need to talk we are all still here.

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/post-natal-depression/treatment/

Don’t feel lonely. I know that’s hard when you’re so sleep deprived and seeing every hour of the day, I have been where you are and you’ve had a relentless 3 months. You are possibly more sleep deprived and untested rather than PND. I think you need to be kinder to yourself and put things of importance in a better order for your own sanity. Firstly the house- sod it. As long as it’s not filthy (which I’m sure it’s not) that can go bottom of the list. Sex - you’ll feel more like it when you feel better rested, your partner should understand and I’m sure you are putting more pressure on this than you need to. The weight; your baby is a few weeks old in the grand scheme of things, the weight will come off when you are more rested. Eat what you need throug the day to keep yourself going, if it’s a packet of biscuits then sod it. One thing at a time: you can’t be super mum 24/7 with a sparkling home, size 8, having sex all the time and whizzing up tasty healthy dinners every day.

I mean, you might in a few months from now, but not at this exact moment in time. The dinners: get your husband to batch cook some easy quick stuff at the weekend. Or make that his job through the week when he comes home. Have a shower when you can. If your baby is like mine was, they scream bloody murder any time you put them down. If she is in her Moses basket/cot safely, you can give yourself a 5min shower. Shove some body oil on after instead of moisturiser so it’s super fast but you still feel nice. Dry shampoo the shit out of your hair if it needs a wash, and give it a good wash at the weekend when your husband is around to carry the parenting load.

I don’t know if any of that will help. But this stage of motherhood you’re in now is one of the hardest and it will pass. And you’ll be glad. But for now, try and ride the storm and use some easy ways to make life a little easier to bear. You’re not on your own lovely, it sounds like you’re a brilliant mum and doing so well.