It's my daughters first birthday soon. birth was horrific and straight after I was under general anaesthetic. She was whisked away immediately to NICU. I didn't meet her for another 20 hours. Long long hospital stay and followed by health visitor telling me I was too anxious, my baby was failing to thrive but continued to pressure me to breastfeed even though I literally was not producing more than a teaspoon full of milk. So inevitably, bad PND and PNA which are kind of ongoing.
Anyway. I'm finding the build up to her first birthday really triggering - reminding me of how awful it all was, how miserable and scared I was and how I lost so much time with her while I was unwell. Is this something other people have experienced? People I know IRL are just kind of bouncy and excited about the parties they have planned and the presents they are buying. I just want to cry quite a lot.