How common is PND in fathers

[parkloaf]

I don't know where to start really other than my marriage has just imploded and DH has admitted that he doesn't feel the same way about our very young twins born after IVF that he does our other child.
To me it sounds like PND but I always used to scoff and roll my eyes when I'd read about this on men but now I'm living it. He won't get help and has left us. I just feel very lost and upset for our children

Hopeful bump

Sorry I can't help but I'm in a very similar position to you. My husband has admitted he doesn't feel the same towards our youngest as he does our oldest and I'm really on the verge of walking away 😫

@Motherof2xx

I'm so sorry you are also going through this. It's tragic really. Is your youngest also IVF?
My STBEXH - literally walked out and within 2 weeks had moved out. That was is it. Other than breaking down when he admitted his feelings about our twins there has been no other explanation for his actions. He has refused to consider that's it's PND

It's only been a couple of weeks but I know in the long run this is for the best. There is a happier environment at home and the twins are less anxious to the point that everyone comments on it despite their young age. I feel awful that even at age 1 they could sense something was wrong. Had he not left us now knowing his feelings I would have left him to protect them from the clear favouritism which was developing

I think you have done the right thing, this is the main reason im considering walking away it's the fact that he would give his life up to make our oldest happy but the newbie doesn't really get looked at. No she wasn't IVF but she was planned this is why I can't get my head around it.

@Motherof2xx

Has he openly said his feelings are different? How old is your youngest? Is it possible if she's just a baby that he's just feeling surplus to requirements because she just needs you really?

My twins were also planned - multiple rounds of IVF and they are biologically his. I guess if I'm honest they have always felt more like "mine" than his just because it was me that did 99% of all the IVF and also pregnancy was tough and I gave birth alone due to covid and other things. He admitted that he felt like I have the family I always wanted and he felt like an outsider

But on the flip side in 12 months he didn't really do much with us a family because he has struggled with the craziness of twins which has compounded his feelings of being an outsider

(Just so you don't hear all the enraged MNers, change the title from PND to something like depression after babies were born. PND is a condition that affects women post delivery, not the partners/family/friends/siblings...., they get depression from change of circumstances, not hormonal driven)

@grey12

Thanks! I'm not sure there is a word for what STBEXH feels towards our twins - although when I wake in the middle of the night alone I can think of a few

True....

So sorry you're going through this 😔 wishing you and your beautiful babies all the best!!!