Where do I even begin!
1st pregnancy I lost my mum! I struggled a lot with grief and how my grief would impact my pregnancy. I had suicidal thoughts during 3rd trimester and refused anti depressants after doing my research. I did have a connection with my unborn baby and when she arrived I went into mum mode and pushed my depression and grief at the back of my mind and never dealt with it.
I am now pregnant with my 2nd baby and due at the end of this month.
During this pregnancy I lost my best friend my actual soul mate! and I am again heartbroken and struggling with the greif. I have also been told that my nan doesn't have long left either.
Before this news and the loss of my best friend again I was struggling with my mental health again in 3rd trimester having suicidal thoughts, thoughts came back of wanting my mum and needing her.
I am assigned to the prenatal mental health team who again would like me to take anti depressants but I don't want to.
My thoughts and depression have got that bad that I have a plan! I don't feel any connection to my unborn child and don't want to see him when he arrives I have numb feelings towards labour.
The guilt of feeling like this and my plan is overwhelming but I cant help the thoughts and how I feel.. I am fucked up!
I hemorrhage During my first pregnancy and have stopped taking my iron tablets this time as I want to hemorrhage again and basically that could be my way out of life as I pass away in labour and no longer have to deal with life, feeling sad all the time and stop all the thoughts.
My partner would be better without me and my little girl because at the.moment they just see me down sad and crying all the time in bed! I am a bad example of what a mother should be for my little girl right now.
I am not sure how I can get out of this hole.. the drs are pushing anti depressants but I just don't think it's right while pregnant. Has anyone else had them.while.pregnant?