Anxiety has ruined my pregnancy - shared stories?

[CheeseBiscuitsChutney]

Hello All,

I have posted previously about my journey doing pregnancy without my antidepressants. I am still unsure whether this was the right choice, but that’s debatable.

I am now 30 weeks into my first pregnancy; and I continue to be completely floored by anxiety. There’s not a day gone by so far where I haven’t considered the worst possible outcome to this pregnancy; of course by this stage it being stillbirth/neonatal death. The thought of it literally eats me up inside. I cannot even face socialising - only seeing my partner and parents for weeks now.

This is a much wanted baby, and I know that I should be grateful for carrying her this far. And of course I am, so grateful. So overwhelmed. But having got this far with something I want so badly scares me even more as there’s just so much to lose. For many years I convinced myself I’d never find a partner, or have a family - and now it all seems to good to be true that.

My midwife and consultant are all fully aware of the above and are being very supportive.

I guess I’d love to hear some stories of people who suffered similar mental health in pregnancy and how they managed to cope.

Thanks so much!

Hi I just wanted to reply, I don't suffer from depression normally but I also had severe anxiety during my pregnancy. It was a bit different from yours but I was also anxious to leave the house, couldn't go anywhere without my partner. I remember still going to work and having to get off the bus halfway home because I was about to have a panic attack. The only thing that helped me was chewing gum as that gave me something else to focus on, or sipping water to calm myself when I felt like I was reaching a point and I used to try and still force myself to go out, however sometimes I still just couldn't and I didn't beat myself up about it. I know that's probably not very helpful to you but I guess I just tried to counteract the symptoms I was having. Could you try and find something similar? Have you had CBT?

Do you have a level of anxiety normally? The reason I ask is our DS had such bad anxiety it was affecting him at school and in life until a friend told me about a strong link beteeen the brain and gut health. For us it’s been extraordinary to see what good probiotics have done (combined With a low sugar diet and lots of healthy whole foods as prebiotics and diet are crucial to its success. I used to think he had autism and he is now completely unfazed by change or new things and extremely positive and unworried by anything. I just wanted to mention it just in case worth exploring as it’s horrible being anxious and must feel even bigger with not feeling ready to go out or see people

@HeresMyName1 @justanothermanicmonday21 thanks so much for responding - really means a lot.

I was having CBT until around week 20, just waiting for my new course through the mental health team.

I have a long history of anxiety and had been on Citalopram until I fell pregnant for about 6/7 years. I have a tendency to catastrophise - particularly when things are going well.

I’m a fairly balanced and healthy eater. I drink a probiotic and beetroot juice everyday for their benefits; and other than a sweet tooth in this pregnancy have continued to ensure I get my 5 a day, plenty of protein etc and making sure I walk everywhere.

Some days I feel like I’ve totally lost my mind. I had to quit social media as seeing everyone else sharing pregnancy photos and enjoying every second with no fear made me sad I just cannot be that way.

Sorry - it feels so good to just offload. Family and friends just keep telling me to “chill out and enjoy it” and some have been quite pressuring about meeting up. It makes me want to scream!

I had quite bad anxiety in my second pregnancy due to issues in my first. I was lucky enough to find a group therapy course which really helped me connect with th baby and pregnancy, although I still had bad days it gave me some time to be positive. It was such a lovely group! It was called Rockabye and may just be in Bristol. Good luck op you're nearly there.

@ADialgaAteMyDog thanks so much for your response. I’m so glad you found some positive moments and made it through. I will see it there’s something locally :-)

I find it difficult as everyone expects you to be excited about it all; and of course I am so in love with my daughter already growing inside me but instead of excited I’m terrified of losing her.

I’m obsessed with feeling her move, and I am terrified of going out all day or being distracted incase I miss her in distress or reduced movements.

It’s hard to separate whether I genuinely foresee this going wrong, or if it’s just my suffocating anxiety if that makes sense? Xx

It is good to offload and talk about it, and I’m reassured you’re on a good diet OP and do hope you get much better soon, it sounds like you are doing good things towards that and keep us posted . Social media is unhelpful sometimes and well done coming off it , remember it only shows a best view of someone’s life and I’m sure everyone has less than ideal bits too just like any of us

@Appletree34 hello! How far along are you?

Shortly after writing this post I fully broke down at a consultants appointment and was admitted for psychiatric evaluation and I am now under the peri natal mental health team for the remainder of my pregnancy. To be honest, I wish it had happened sooner.

I have chosen not to be on medication for the moment; a choice, to be honest, I still battle with daily and may well change my mind depending on how stable I can remain.

My advice is seek help ASAP and do not suffer in silence. My hospital have been so understanding and are giving me weekly check ins to try and help me along the way.

I’m still terrified; but having extra monitoring and acknowledgement of how I feel does help me get back week on week.

Happy to chat through DM?

Xx

I was very anxious during my first pregnancy after a couple of early miscarriages. I didn’t buy very much baby stuff in preparation for the baby. I had a few clothes and not much else. I was told I was unorganised. But I just couldn’t bring myself to believe that my baby was going to be okay until the moment I laid my own eyes on them. He’s 19 years old now. I was far less anxious during my subsequent 2 pregnancies, I think just due to being busy with my other children. It’s very hard for people to understand unless they’ve experienced it, I think. I often wish that I’d been less anxious and really got into the swing of buying baby stuff etc. but the anxiety wouldn’t allow me to. I did feel a huge sense of relief when my first son was born and he was absolutely fine. I still worry about my children, that’s a natural thing with parenthood.

@RedPinkRose thank you so much for sharing what is such a positive outcome 🥰 it’s really appreciated xxx

I suffered awful anxiety with my DD who is now 6!
Before her I sadly miscarried at 6 weeks, and at the same time my friend has miscarried later on in pregnancy so I couldn't help but feel my baby was going to die every single second of the pregnancy.
I broke down at every appointment, I remember lighting a candle next her scan picture crying begging her to survive.
I didn't announce it on social media because I couldn't bare the "so sorry" if I had to later announce the loss. I didn't buy anything, not one babygrow until was in the 30 weeks stage. I was so anal about any foods I ate, if I missed a vitamin tablet I'd have a panic attack. Everytime I went to the toilet I would prepare for blood. I was actually induced at 39+4 because I couldn't take the anxiety anymore and kept going in thinking I had reduced movements.

I delivered a beautiful, healthy little girl who like I say is 6 now. One thing I will say is I'm a firm believer in high cortisol levels during pregnancy transferring to the baby.. she didn't sleep, she screamed all the time LOL

I went on to have my 2nd DS who is now 3, I was soooo much more chilled I suppose because "I knew" my body could do it plus I had a near 3 year old to look after... and you know what, he was as chilled out as anything as a baby.

I wish you all the best, please remember you're not alone in your thoughts but you must try some relaxation techniques to try and get through it because the likelihood is everything will be fine 🙂 xx

Hey hun just wondering how your daughter is doing? I’m 16 weeks pregnant and my anxiety is so bad, mostly because I’ve read too much about cortisol and behavioural/phyciatric problems in babies 💔 I am sorry to randomly message you I hope you don’t mind cxcx

Hey

Yes, I did. I had a couple of miscarriages before ds1 and was not going to relax until I saw my baby born safe and well. I was too afraid to go out and buy clothes and equipment. I was much more relaxed and enjoyed my second pregnancy more. I think because I was distracted looking after a toddler. My eldest son is 19 now and I still definitely worry about him a lot. I worry about them both but they’re great kids. We worry about them from the very moment we know of their existence because we want and love them so much. I think previous miscarriages often do mean more anxiety during pregnancy.