Is it all really better in 6 weeks?

[Bagpuss91]

I gave birth on the 14th Nov after being induced it was a quick labour once my waters broke. I ended up with a 9lb9 baby and a 4th degree tear,which had to repaired twice as the surgeons missed areas first time.
Since then ive been dealing with pain, lack of sleep, trying to breastfeed and the baby blues.My partner has been great with helping through all this.
Everyone says things will get better by 6 weeks. That just seems so far away i honestly feel i cant wait that long for it to get better. My partner starts work again in a couple of days and the very idea terrifies me.

It does start to get better but I found it was gradually.

You've been through so much and even with a straightforward birth it can be daunting when your DP goes back to work.

Does your HV know that you're feeling blue? Are you getting any support?

Thats good to know. It very daunting to feel like your struggling and keep hearing 6 weeks things get better. HV knows and my midwife i saw her today shes gonna call in weeks time to see how my mood is.

It might fe worth calling the HV on Monday abs asking if there. Any groups on locally for new mums who are struggling with their emotions. We have a weekly one that meets in the next town.

Have you spoken to the Birth Trauma Association about your birth? That might help

Are there any BFing Supoort Groups near to you? Sometimes just sitting and chatting with some other local Mums and Mums-to-Be can help.

Agree, things get gradually better, you become more confident etc. However, you have given birth and had a serious tear in the process. That's a lot for anyone both physically and mentally.
I'm glad you have scheduled visits with the HV/midwife. I have suffered with post natal depression and I just want to say that although you may not be in that position, it's important to keep speaking to the HV, asking for help whenever you can and if it comes to it, antidepressants are amazing and can really help take the edge off.

Don’t expect a certain time frame, it was definitely more like 2 months for me before there was any lift. Better again at 3, from 6 months I am largely free of PND. Do think about ADs to help you through. Most important is to keep RL support when DH goes back to work. That’s where the wheels can fall off a bit, make a plan in advance and don’t be afraid to engineer mummy friends, it can be lonely and lovely in equal measure!

It does get better I promise. Prioritise yourself as much as you can, call on friends and family for help. Once your partner goes back to work you will have tough moments but each day will be easier and easier. I also had a massive baby and looking back, wish I had taken things much more slowly in terms of healing, everything is so much easier when you’re not in pain. Sending you lots and lots of love.

It is a massive transition and adjustment. Take your time, you will get there. It does get easier just the small things seems much bigger and more daunting at the start. I didn't even leave the house by myself with baby for 8 weeks with my first. Keep talking to your HV and keep a check on your mood. Don't feel you have to push yourself to anything more than keep you and baby fed and clean...for now. It does get better I promise x

How long it takes to recover very much depends on what sort of birth you have.
I've recovered from a section in 4/5 weeks, a lovely home birth (barely a graze) in a few days and then taken 2 1/2 months to recover after a 2litre haemorrhage.

It sounds like 6 weeks would be good going given your injuries.

Speak to your HV. Do you have family nearby who can/will/you'd want to help? Can you get a cleaner? Can dh drop his hours for a couple more weeks?

Everyone is different but hopefully you will start noticing some improvements soon.

I don't know how long your spending in/around bed all day but it really should be a minimum of 12hours until your feeling physically better. After DS3 I spent all afternoon in bed, got up for tea, and went to bed at 8ish for the night. DH picked up the slack with his job and our other 2 DC under 4

Plus once they're past 6 weeks they (sometimes) start to recognise the difference between night and day. Especially if you can manage to get them outside at least once a day.l

Like the Pp said though, take it easy abs let yourself heal.

No baby was ever harmed because their DM sat on the sofa feeding them and watching Netflix in her PJs

Oh OP I really feel for you. It's so hard at the beginning, and I was clinging to the idea that it would suddenly get better at six weeks. In fact, I look back and it gradually got better over time. In the early days I would start dreading the nights around 2pm and I found it overwhelming trying to keep up with the feeding/changing/sleep cycle. It felt relentless. I remember week three being a particular low because the adrenaline wore off and the sleep deprivation hit. It might feel like you can't go on, but you will and you can. Because you have to. And soon you'll have your evenings back and a sort of structure will start to fall into place so things will become a bit easier and more predictable. I hate thinking back to those early days now because I found it so tough - it's hard now (my DD is 12 months) but not the kind of overwhelming hard you're probably feeling now. Hang in there!

Oh also, if you have an antenatal group or some parent friends, don't be afraid to say you're finding it tough. I found when I opened up it turned out lots of others were too, even if they didn't say it openly. I think people are afraid of admitting they're struggling. I found breastfeeding really hard too and that made the early days much more brutal.

If you have a physical issue to deal with (which you have) you are even more knackered and drained and basically not on top of it. Agree with PPs it does get easier and you do get your life back but there's no magic switch at 6 weeks. Don't despair. Lower your expectations and focus on trying to get through this stage rather than worrying why you're not floating on cloud 9.