Unplanned Pregnancy With Antenatal Depression

[AnneB94]

I'm sorry this is long. I feel so alone and I need to vent even if no one is listening.

I fell pregnant a month after a really upsetting split. It was a foolish one night stand with failed contraception. At first I was happy and then it just went downhill.

I lost my job around the same time I found out, this had lead to money troubles and having to borrow money just to make sure I'm eating healthy meals. I felt guilty about falling pregnant so quickly after my break up but that had amplified in recent days. I found out my ex has moved on. The father doesn't want the child as he is being deployed to Afghanistan soon and will miss a lot of the child's life. That's not the type of father he wants to be. Most people in my life don't know I'm pregnant, I don't want to be looked down upon for getting pregnant so soon after my break up. So I feel alone. I've become so stressed that my hair is falling out in clumps. I have to decide to keep or abort my baby and I can't decide. On top of all this I have bad morning sickness and an iron deficiency.

I was seeing a psychologist before my pregnancy and in my recent meeting said he is pretty sure I have depression. I have suffered from depression in the past but in the 7 years since then I've made so many improvements, I've done so well. I'm watching it unravel right before my eyes. All that hard work gone in a flash. I don't blame the baby, any hatred has been directed towards myself. My self confidence had plumited and I hate every aspect of me.

I've contacted my antenatal clinic, they refuse to talk to me until my first midwife appointment on Monday. It seems so far away.

I don't want to abort but I'm wondering if it is best for me and the child. My stress will effect the child if it's making my hair fall out and I'm not sure if I can go the next 7 months like this. I don't think I can survive as I've already had those types of thoughts. I suffer with bad side effects to anti-depresent, I really don't want to be in that dark place of taking them again.

I just want to be happy like I was 8 weeks ago, hell even 5 weeks ago. I just don't see a happy future at the moment.

Dear AnneB94

Very sorry to hear this and i understand all your thoughts.

It is a very difficult time for all women. Pregnancy is not easy at all. I am 6 weeks and already gone through so many emotions not sure if I can go through 9 months like this. I have had depression as well some years ago and I think never got through it 100%. Sometimes i got very bad days and did not have strength to get up from bed, let alone being pregnant with these hormones. Hinestly, and i know this will seem harah and very bad, but been searching how to end pregnancy. I am not sure if i am ready for this and how will affect me and my body. I hate this feeling

I cannot tell you if its better or not to abort, because believe me i an going to the same.. but i really hope you will feel better.. they all say its such a winderful thing to go through but not sure.

Sending many hugs your way xx