I had my amazing little girl earlier this year and am absolutely in love with her. However the birth didn't go to plan and 30 hours in labour resulted in an emergency csection.
Nearly 5 months on and this is all catching up with me, I'm currently receiving counselling for this as I find myself deeply upset over what happened and I cannot seem to snap out of it.
I can't exactly pin point what it is that's upsetting me, I think it is a mixture of things, ie scarring, traumatic time having my child, recovery etc etc. However I keep replaying the fact that for the first few hours my daughter wasn't held by me. Everyone kept trying to give her to me but my chest was so numb I felt I couldn't hold her. The recovery was also hard which made me feel
Guilty like I couldn't look after my child.
I have had many many people say to me ' well it's all worth it you have a child' 'some people can't even get pregnant so I'd be proud of your scar' Mt therapist also told me 'don't worry about your scar I'm 20 years
On from my c section and I still have a big scar and lots of overhang' (not what I wanted to hear)
These comments aren't helping with me trying to feel better. I can't help but feel more selfish and ungrateful when these comments are made.
I mentioned this to my health visitor that I can't see myself feeling better about it, she has arranged for me to visit the hospital and have a birth debrief. However I know what went wrong and understand why a c section was needed and I know this was the best and safest way.
She also mentioned tablets, this is a really scary thought for me that I would need to go on anti depressives to feel better about this situation.
I really would appreciate if anyone who has been through the same thing could give me some advice or guidance on this because I feel I am getting very drained with it all and I just want to be the best mum I can be :(
Very sorry for the long post and TIA xx