PND

[Rcai]

I’m two weeks postpartum with my second child and suffering with crippling PND and anxiety. I had it with my first but went through so much I thought I was stronger this time and so wanted my son to have a sibling. I am so panicked I feel like I want to get in the car and drive away. I don’t feel like I have enough resources for two children. I was a happy mum before this, knew it was hard but could cope. Now I just can’t. My husband is so supportive but obviously finding this hard aswell. I’ve seen the GP and have started anti depressants again, I’ve spent most of the day talking to PANDAs and Shout. And still feel like I need to run. I know it will pass and things will get easier as my children get older, but I am so full of regret and guilt right now. I love them and want them but just feel like I can’t do this.

I'm so sorry you feel like this. PND is awful. I had it with my second baby too. It didn't kick in for a few weeks but when it did, it was horrendous. I had that same panicked feeling of wanting to get in the car and just drive off and keep driving (thankfully never did) and I often felt I'd ruined all our lives by having a second baby I couldn't cope with.

I felt so ashamed of my feelings I didn't tell anyone other than my OH at the time which was a big mistake as it meant I never got the help I needed and it took me a lot longer to get better. I felt I was just starting to come out the other side as my maternity leave ended.

You've done a very brave and sensible thing asking for help and I promise it does get better. You're not a terrible mum for not being able to cope with two kids- it's bloody hard work even without PND.

Thank you. I can’t stand the thought of this lasting for months, I don’t know how I’ll cope when my husband goes back to work next week. Hopefully my meds will kick in soon and my hormones will
kick in.
Now you are past the worst of your PND, do you enjoy your children or still have regrets??

My kids are 11 & 9 now and they're wonderful. That first year after having my youngest was rough but the feelings of regret were very short lived (I'd say from 6 weeks until around 3/4 months when I started to feel marginally better.)

I didn't have PND first time round so felt I was failing my second baby and that it must somehow mean I loved him less even though that definitely wasn't true, it was just my poor scrambled brain trying to make sense of what I was feeling.

Things that helped were getting out of the house and talking to other mums and having one-on-one time with my toddler (because I think lots of my negativity centred around feeling guilty that he was having to deal with a new baby and a depressed mum!) Things I think would have helped massively would have been if I'd actually gone to my GP and asked for help and if I'd spoken to friends and family and accepted their help earlier but I just felt so vulnerable admitting I needed help in the first place, it wasn't something I could manage at the time.

Hopefully the antidepressants will make a difference for you too.

I had PND with my first and I’m expecting my second and I’m so scared it will happen again. You’re doing the right thing by sharing your thoughts and letting people know how you feel.

Thanks so much for sharing your experience- it really does give me hope in such a dark time.
I’ve been trying to find a baby group but everything is so full up after lockdown. I’ll keep looking though.
Getting out with both of them is daunting but I know staying in makes me feel worse, so I will try.
Thank you again x

@Xyzzzzz
I hope you don’t suffer again, I didn’t think I would so I would say to you to have support in place incase it does happen. Sending lots of love to you and good luck with the birth of your second ❤️

@ButtercupBlue that was for you, sorry I’m new here and couldn’t figure out how to tag you.

Hi OP just wanted to say I'm with you. I have just started taking antidepressants after feeling as you describe after the birth of my first child this year. I don't know what else to say except that I'm sending you lots of love and wishing the best for you.

@Correlation thank you, and I’m sending the same to you. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy to be honest. I’ve never felt pain like it. I’m now 3.5 weeks PP, and still suffering. Getting help and still waiting for meds to work but potentially will need a higher dose and it’s pretty horrific waiting for this time to pass.

I am so sorry you are also experiencing this, mine never really went away after my first. I’m now 33 weeks with my second and I know it will be back.

I know this sounds really weird but our crash in progesterone can be (from the studies I’ve read) a massive contributor in PND.
I will be getting the implant before I leave hospital I hope. But the injection and implant are just as effective. From the studies I have read up on it lowers the PND significantly

@Belle82 is this offered to any new mother who requests it on the nhs? I had severe PND with DC1, am considering having another baby and would be interested in this for sure if available to me! X

@Rcai I hope you're feeling better now? Xxx

@wineislife21
Yes you can ask for it. Generally a midwife will ask if you want a coil fitted after birth, but the progesterone from that stays very localised.

The injection doesn’t leave your system for 3 months, but if you don’t get on with the progesterone (some women don’t) then you can just have the implant removed and the effect is pretty much immediate.
Good luck

Really hope you are doing better now @Rcai

@Belle82 thanks for the info! I will definitely ask about this.
I hope you're doing okay and you manage to stay well after birth 😊
I've read a lot recently and It sounds like vitamin and iron deficiency, whilst not necessarily being a contributor to PND, won't help the cause, so might be worth a shout taking well woman tablets after birth. Also from what I understand giving yourself low expectations on the cleanliness of your house and your appearance will mean if the depression hits, you might not feel so low if that makes sense!

Not long until you meet your little bundle of joy 🥰