Am I starting to get antenatal depression?

[Choclover89]

I had PND with my DD but in the form of anxiety, intrusive thoughts and OCD. Luckily, I never had a problem bonding with her.

I'm pregnant again and similarly to last time, it has been hell so far. Awful nausea and vomiting but not enough for it to be HG, extreme exhaustion, struggling to find anything i can eat.

I'm now nearly 17 weeks and although the nausea and vomiting are slowing down, I can't take it anymore. I keep feeling a lot of regret that I've done this to myself, like I'm trapped and dread making it through each day. Broke down to DH today and said I'm not coping (he has been brilliant but works full time).

Just the thought of showering feels like preparing to run a marathon and I feel the dread seeping in every evening when I know I'll be on my own with DD the next day. Add to that the guilt I feel towards them both for being so crap!

Thanks if you got this far. Just trying to figure out if I'm starting to get antenatal depression or just extremely fed up

You’ve done it before so you know it will get better and there is an end in sight. It might be the beginning of getting I’ll but equally it might just be a tough patch. Try to think of it like just something you need to get through to get to the good bit of being a mum again.
Even if the worst happens and you develop PND, again you will recover.
I’ve been there but mine are older now so I can tell you it is worth it in the end.

Thanks for replying. I think I've just run out of any mental stamina to cope with it at the moment and can't remember what feeling normal and able to do things is like. I also feel quite overwhelmed with what's to come with 2 under 2. I always thought I might be someone who would have a lot of children but 2 will be it for me!

You can self refer to mental health services and you are meant to be prioritised as a pregnant women. However ... I wouldn't count on them actually doing anything promptly/at all during your pregnancy, and really it sounds like you actually need practical help. I was like you in my first pregnancy - genuinely I think you are beyond amazing for getting so far whilst looking after you DD. Can anyone, family, friends, paid childcare, look after her for a few weeks until you are feeling better? I think a lot of people don't realise how incapacitated some poor women can be by morning sickness. I can remember almost wetting myself because the effort to crawl from my bed to en-suite was unbearable and would make me vomit then collapse until I regained enough strength to crawl back. You need help OP - don't be embarrassed to ask.

Thank you - I think you're right and I may have to call on my mum and sister a bit more. I do feel quite pathetic but just making her breakfast feels like a huge obstacle. Covid rules make it a bit of a grey area but I think a genuine need for support should be ok? Gosh yours sounds like it was awful - pregnancy really can be horrible!

Yes you are allowed ‘care’ under the covid rules. You are also allowed to form a childcare bubble so make use of this to get you through.
I wouldn’t worry too much about going from one child to two. You find ways of doing everything that has to be done and the rest can be forgotten.

Hi

I am feeling exactly the same as you and had similar circumstances. I had gone on antidepressants a few months before I conceived and was just starting to feel normal again and then boom, Im back at square 1 with all the same thoughts, feelings and symptoms as before. I just hope it passes after my 1st trimester although with my DS it was 18 months before I asked for help.

You arent on your own!

Thanks @csmd87 and sorry that you are feeling how you did before. I have just turned the corner with the exhaustion and sickness but I've started to notice finding death in TV shows and films triggering and some over worrying and seeing patterns in silly things and not sleeping. These are all things that became extreme once DD arrived so I'm starting to think I may need to go back on sertraline before this one is born have you got some mental health support with this pregnancy?

I've a call with a doctor tomorrow to talk about going on an antidepressant. Deep down I know I need to but I am terrified of what it might do to the baby - defects and the withdrawal. I don't think I'd forgive myself if something wasn't right... I've just told my partner everything and he agrees I need to speak to a Doctor :-(