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Antenatal/postnatal depression

Our Antenatal and Postnatal Depression forum is a supportive space where you can share your postnatal depression experiences.

Hand hold?

3 replies

BastilleBastille · 30/03/2021 23:27

Hi everyone,

Not really asking anything here - guess I’m just looking a hand hold. Feeling pretty low.

FTM here. I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy 4 weeks ago.

It was a very long and difficult labour with intervention. It lasted 16 hours. I also spent 48 hours on an induction ward prior to that. Without going into too many details I was there 6 days in total. The midwives weren’t one bit nice or helpful. I was pretty poorly after I had my baby and due to Covid my husband had to leave pretty much immediately after I gave birth and wasn’t allowed to see me again until I was being picked up to come home. I sat alone with my baby literally begging staff to help me. I felt so helpless.

When I eventually got home days later I had to get my husband to help me shower. I still had the vomit in my hair from when I was sick in labour. I tore my chest wall in labour and couldn’t lift my arms above my head. I begged nurses and care assistants to help me get a bath/shower the entire time I was there but everyone was always too busy or they promised they would and then never got around to it.

I struggled to feed my baby, change him, dress him. It was agony lifting him or trying to get out of bed to do anything. I was made feel like an inconvenience if I rang the bell for anything.

The community midwives visited me at home after the birth read my notes and were horrified that I was sent back to a ward in a wheelchair without my husband literally 40 minutes after my baby was born. They said they weren’t surprised as the maternity ward I was on doesn’t have the best reputation.

I know I’m probably rambling on and it maybe doesn’t sound that bad but it was honestly the most horrendous experience of my life. I just can’t seem to get past it. I literally have nightmares every night about being back in that hospital. I cry when I think about it too much. Sad

OP posts:
micc · 30/03/2021 23:38

OP, this sounds horrible. I am so sorry you had to go through this. This wasnt normal and you should not of been made to feel that way, not only the mental trauma but it sounds horrendously painful too. Having a baby is obviously painful but what you went through must of been so hard on your own. Your feelings are valid and it's unfair this happened to you.
It's still fresh, try and move forward where you can. Take small steps and focus on what's going well, even if it's a small thing that went well or that made you happy.

On another note I would be writing a strongly worded complaint as well.

I really hope you start to feel more yourself again soon OP. This experience will only make you stronger.

ursuslemonade · 31/03/2021 09:43

Congratulations on the birth of your baby boy.
Your experience sounds horrific. Please think about making a complaint, they should not have left you struggling like that.
Have you thought about counselling?
I've had a terrible time giving birth and when I was expecting my second I've had a birth reflection at the hospital. We went through my notes, I talked about how I felt etc...it helped.
Possibly it's too soon for you but please try to get help.
It's awful that they didn't look after you properly.

tikha · 19/04/2021 16:20

I am sorry you have to go through this. Sounds a bit like torture through neglect. If you feel up to it you should complain as otherwise things will never change

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