Depression of some sort, not sure how to feel better

[NikkiD88]

Hi, as a normally really outgoing and positive person, I've found myself in a deep hole. I recently lost my fourth baby, second missed miscarriage. Think lockdown is having an impact too. I just feel numb, I get really mad really easily. I don't want to get up. I don't want to go to work. I can't stop eating, I've put on a stone since November! I just feel miserable. I've talked to my husband and my mam and they are great and really supportive but it's all 'you'll be ok'. But I don't know how to be ok. How do you just switch this off. I have 2 children as well and they are my entire universe, but I feel like I'm not my best for them either. I should be a happy and grateful mother. But I'm just a miserable bitch, I can't seem to cheer up.

Anyone?

I'm not surprised your feeling how you do it sounds like you have gone through a lot recently and lockdown on top of that is bound to make you feel worse as there's no outlets to distract you being stuck at home, less support from friends etc. I think just try and do some small things at home you enjoy (for me it's things like a face mask, paint my nails, chocolate...), when your stressed out try and take a moment to yourself. I have found exercise has really helped me during lockdown to feel more in control, better for my mind - I've been YouTubing hiit workouts so can do it in the morning with the kids. I also talk talk talk - to friends, family etc as I always find talking about how I feel helps me let off steam. I really hope your okay x

It sounds like you have clinical depression I would go to the gp. I just went for anxiety and depression and have been referred for counselling ( I'm still on a waiting list). I kept thinking it will get better as well but I think sometimes we just need that extra bit of help.

If you can afford it try to find some therapy?. The government has removed many effective means of emotional regulation and self care, having a good structured chat may be a release and you might learn some new things about yourself that can make you even stronger.
Sorry to hear about your miscarriage as well as the rest of it. That would cause a lot of tough feelings. Without any basic normality at the moment even people who would bounce back find themselves struggling.
Humans arent supposed to live in lockdown.
As someone with previous periods of mental crisis I would advise against 'trying to switch it off'. When a feeling comes knocking at the door you need to stop and answer or it returns by the backdoor and usually brings some friends to ransack your life. Modelling for your children how to process emotion is very healthy, but may take some learning first. Being able to notice ' I feel terrible' and make some small adjustment to accommodate it in your day without additional judgements like' I must not feel terrible', 'I have no right to feel terrible' or 'what if I feel terrible forever?' is a good first step.
Dont know if this is the response you need but feeling for you.

i am going through same stage like you, really down and thought would be better off dead really