Hi everyone this is my first post here and itโs going to be a long one ๐
I had my baby boy last year after a bad pregnancy with severe morning sickness, covid and Cholestasis (fully aware that some may have had it much worse than me).
The baby was planned and in the beginning of my pregnancy I felt so happy and then towards the end I started to worry and wonder what Iโd done and had feelings of regret, when he was born I almost felt like thank god itโs over, my brain wouldnโt let me get past being pregnant...Iโm not sure if this has to do with lack of support due to covid or my partner not being able to be part of any appointments? So when the baby being born was a complete shock to my system.
The first 2 weeks were absolute hell as Iโm sure they are for most, in pain hormonal etc. But since then Iโve felt my mood deteriorate more and more. About 2 weeks ago after a particularly bad night my baby was screaming hysterically for no reason Iโd checked for all the obvious and he was warm comfortable and safe, this went on for almost 2 hours and i lost my temper ๐ข I shouted in his face and ended up screaming into a pillow. I felt like Iโd completely lost control of myself and eventually I put him down in his crib and left the room. I had to phone my partner to come home from work and I took myself off to bed, my mum came and took the baby to her house and he stayed there for two days as I felt frightened that I would do the same again (please donโt judge me for breaking lock down I was desperate)
Iโve since told my mum and partner how Iโve been feeling and Iโve now spoke with my GP, theyโve given me all the numbers to call and she is going to give me another call herself next week to check in.. I donโt really know what I wanted from the call but I still feel the same I donโt feel as though I can put into words how I feel so Iโm not sure if anyone is realising the severity of it, I feel guilty and scared all the time and I just want someone to listen to me without trying to fix it. Iโm my own worst enemy as I find it really hard to talk about how I feel and if someone shows any sign of sympathy or concern I instantly close off again. So I figured I would try on here and talk to some strangers who hopefully have experienced similar.
Iโm not particularly looking for any advice I just wanted to tell someone and I wonder if anyone has felt the same or am I going completely insane.
If youโre still here thanks for reading xx
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Antenatal/postnatal depression
Would like to talk to someone outside my situation:(
4 replies
Lmj1920 · 27/01/2021 08:33
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Talise101 ·
29/06/2021 19:33
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