My husband doesn't want another baby because he can't go through what he went through when I was unwell after the first

[Sofie19]

So as the subject says.

I was unwell with postnatal anxiety. Everything was a hazard to the baby. I kept lashing out at my husband because he kept doing things wrong/didn't love the baby/wasn't keeping the baby safe (in my opinion). The way he held him, carried him, spoke to him etc...all, I felt, was wrong. It must have been awful for him. Pretty much everything he did and he tried to help, I threw back in his face because I didn't think he was keeping our baby safe enough.

I am 6months pp and so much better. I have had therapy and do not live in fear that something will happen to our baby anymore. I always wanted a small age gap between our children and I have approached the subject of more children with my husband. He said he doesn't want anymore with me because he fears I will be like I was with the 1st. I don't think I will be as I have learnt how to manage the anxieties and know they are not 'real'. How do I persuade my husband this and that I (think and hope!!) I will not be so unwell with a 2nd? I did specifically ask him whether he didn't want another child because he didn't want anymore children or whether it was because he didn't want to experience what he experienced when I was unwell and it was the latter.

Have any others got any experiences of how their husbands felt when they were unwell after having a baby and would care to share?

I do think 6 months pp is very soon....I know you've always wanted close age gaps but given your history, you deserve time to recover. As does your husband.

If I were you, I would say "Well, I do understand so I'll wait a bit longer before raising it again"

And try again to approach him in a year.

Thank you @FortunesFave I hope you are right and that this is just too raw for him.

It's just extremely hard. Our first baby took years to conceive and IVF. I'd love a close age gap but I am also aware it may take a long time again. I also feel extremely concerned I am going to wait and he won't change his mind.

I had a similar experience as yours and felt the postpartum fog lift after a year. However my husband really was not the most natural parent and would leave my 6 month old in the bath tub and walk out the room! Not to mention sitting her on the kitchen work top and walking off! We had a lot of arguments because I felt he was not being a good parent but he blamed me for being anxious. In actual fact he wants another whereas I am firmly one and done. I think you should give it another 6 months and revisit the subject as your child will be a bit more independent and you might find your husband will be more persuaded to have another. Good luck.