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Antenatal/postnatal depression

Our Antenatal and Postnatal Depression forum is a supportive space where you can share your postnatal depression experiences.

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Original poster

Termination

22 replies

Bean272021 · 04/01/2021 17:06

Hi ,
I need some advice please. Unfortunately my unborn baby has severe abnormalities and l have decide to go with termination. This was a very heard decision to make but it is what's best for me Angel as he would have a poor quality of life and he will not survive long after birth or make it into adulthood.

So l was given two options , surgical and medical procedure. Which one is better ?

Thank you

OP posts:

honeybooboo1394 · 04/01/2021 17:29

@Bean272021

Hi , I need some advice please. Unfortunately my unborn baby has severe abnormalities and l have decide to go with termination. This was a very heard decision to make but it is what's best for me Angel as he would have a poor quality of life and he will not survive long after birth or make it into adulthood.

So l was given two options , surgical and medical procedure. Which one is better ?

Thank you

@Bean272021 I am so sorry to hear about this. I am sending huge hugs over your way.

How many weeks are you if you don't mind me asking? If you're a little further a long it may be best to do medical... a close friend of mine had a similar situation, she was 20 weeks :( and they used general anaesthetic, she woke up a little later and the process was less traumatic for her x

honeybooboo1394 · 04/01/2021 17:29

@Bean272021

Hi , I need some advice please. Unfortunately my unborn baby has severe abnormalities and l have decide to go with termination. This was a very heard decision to make but it is what's best for me Angel as he would have a poor quality of life and he will not survive long after birth or make it into adulthood.

So l was given two options , surgical and medical procedure. Which one is better ?

Thank you

Oh goodness! That meant to say surgical not medical! X @Bean272021

Lorrie202q · 04/01/2021 17:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Lorrie202q · 04/01/2021 17:46

I want to have a funeral for my baby , I know she was only a 16weeks old Fetus but I still want a proper send off 💔

RunningFromInsanity · 04/01/2021 17:53

@Lorrie202q are you the OP?
If so, I apologise, I thought you were another poster leaving a very unhelpful comment.

At 16 weeks, I would go surgical. It’s much less traumatic for you.
I’ll be blunt- either procedure you won’t have a body to bury but you can definitely have a remembrance ceremony.

Lorrie202q · 04/01/2021 17:56

So at 16weeks they won’t be a body ? Just remains 💔

Livingmagicallyagain · 04/01/2021 17:56

Harsh as it sounds, having been through this at 16 weeks, honesty is best. Your baby wasn't just a fetus, she is your perfectly formed baby @Lorrie202q

So sorry to hear this @Bean272021

I found giving birth to my boy and spending time with him healing, it helped me process everything. It's an individual decision, I promise you are strong enough to make the right choice for you and get through this. It's hard but I'm so glad I got to nert my boy.

Lorrie202q · 04/01/2021 17:57

Yes I am the OP , I changed my name .

Livingmagicallyagain · 04/01/2021 17:59

@Bean272021 @Lorrie202q

We were able to have his small but perfect little body, which we buried in the angel plot of a local graveyard. It's helpful to go visit there. I'll be honest, at 16 weeks you are looking at a perfect and beautiful little baby, transluscent skin with fingernails and tiny ears, our boy looked peaceful.

Lorrie202q · 04/01/2021 18:01

So sorry for your Loss . I strongly feel that l want to see my baby regardless how she would look like . I will never have peace in my heart not knowing how she looked like and where she is buried . To me , when l visualise and dream of her she looks perfect.

Lorrie202q · 04/01/2021 18:02

I want to have that experience it will give me closure .

supersonicginandtonic · 04/01/2021 18:06

Aww I am so sorry you are going through this. My sister went through it several years ago as her baby had Edwards syndrome. We had a funeral and she named her baby.
My sister had a medical procedure.
Please make sure you get some support for yourself after the procedure.
I'm sending my best wishes to you and your family.

Livingmagicallyagain · 04/01/2021 18:55

They wrapped our boy in a blanket and gave him a little hat. Take as much support as you can from the bereavement team, ask any questions you can think of - they have heard it all. I found it best not to rush back to work, I wanted to face and process the grief. He was born in April and it's. It was a shock, I simply suddenly went into labour, he was otherwise healthy,but looking at his peaceful face helped me accept that this was his journey, his little life. The love remains.

You can do this.

Lorrie202q · 04/01/2021 19:02

Thank you hun . I feel horrible but I know as time goes on it will all get better . I won’t be going to work anytime soon I need all the time I need to grieve.

Livingmagicallyagain · 05/01/2021 09:13

You will be ok, just let it take time.

tami2k · 05/01/2021 16:50

Hi I am safe similar position. Unplanned pregnancy but no1 wants to hear this news or be on a position to make such a decision. What they told me if it's abnormalities it less likely to happen again. Lots of love

Lorrie202q · 05/01/2021 17:31

Thank you .. What sort of termination you going for ?

tami2k · 05/01/2021 20:30

I think surgical I haven't decided yet currently 14wks. It feels less like ur giving birth and maybe less painful. What are u going for

Lorrie202q · 05/01/2021 22:09

This has been the hardest decision to make and a painful one . I wanted to go for medical but again you have to go through labour , probably be in ward with other pregnant women giving birth to healthy babies , hearing baby cries and here I am pushing a dead Baby. This will traumatise me even more , a part of me wanted to see my baby . With surgical procedure it will be quick , they will put me to sleep ,remove the baby But l won’t be able to see the baby . None of these options are easy but I think I will just go with the surgical procedure.

tami2k · 06/01/2021 10:48

Most certainly agree this was a surprise pregnancy as I have a healthy 15month son we were joyed however I never expect to be the small % of risks. I worry about any risks it has to future pregnancies as do want more children. I've heard some people who have had the surgical procedure can affects to the cervix. I will be looking more into this. I've been told one thing about abnormalities are that it's less likely to happen again (apart from downs). Wish u all the best. Surgical seems like the quicker process and maybe it is better that u don't see it ? I know I wanted to aswl but the picture will never leave your head.

Lorrie202q · 06/01/2021 12:00

This was my first pregnancy and l think I would like to try again in a few years . I believe both procedure comes with risks . I wish you all the best

tami2k · 11/01/2021 23:04

Went for CVS today to find out there was no heartbeat. The doctor said the decision had been made for us with all sympathies. It's still a shock as I've no bleeding or pain. They offered me medical procedure only n from what they told it's like a mini labour. Due to gestation it will be 'quicker' still painful. Im thinking whether to start it with tablet or let it naturally start whenever that will be. I'm dreading being in labour ward with other babies, but I guess I have to weigh out this was for the best than to suffer.

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