Ridiculous situation - any thoughts please

[HornungTheHelpful]

So I am being ridiculous and I know I am but i can't stop it. We have two preschool children via IVF. We had a third frozen embryo, the transfer of which failed in October. Following that I was absolutely certain I wasn't done and we went through a further fresh IVF cycle, which we found out had been successful just before Christmas and I was absolutely delighted. I have the early pregnancy scan late next week. We haven't told anyone and over the Christmas period my Mum mentioned to my partner that we would be mad to have a third child because I wouldn't cope.

Since he told me this I am so worried. What's worse is following the clinic's advise we had two embryos transferred so theoretically there could be twins. I keep hoping that it isn't twins and now I'm even starting to think it would be best if both embryos have failed. I will feel so guilty if either or both have but I feel like I have ruined not only my life but that of my two children.

We are financially stable (though I am self employed, which can be a rollercoaster) and have a wonderful live in nanny but I am worried that I have taken financial opportunities away from my children, destroyed my career chances and that I wont be able to cope (partner works away a lot). I do struggle with the noise of toddlers and when they're both screaming at once (doesn't happen that much) but we all muddle through.

I don't know what to think or what to do. I guess I can't do anything. I can't tell anyone. I just feel so stupid to have gone from desperately wanting this to hoping it all just goes away. Anyone else had this sort of thing? Any thoughts? What can I do? TIA.

my Mum mentioned to my partner that we would be mad to have a third child because I wouldn't cope.

Pay your mum no attention - you will cope and you will do a brilliant job as I’m sure you already do

I remember feeling anxious like this (although about different things) in my first pregnancy. I think it was a combination of hormones and adjusting to the news. Go easy on yourself!

Why did your partner tell you what your mother said? My assumption would be solidarity "I can't believe she said that, what does she know, we chose this and it'll be fine"? You chose IVF (i.e. it was an considered decision to get pregnant) and up until your mothers comment you were sure about your decision. In your shoes I'd focus on freeing yourself from your mothers opinion rather than questioning your decision.

You need to ignore any negativity. You will get through whatever comes your way.
Good luck.

I've got six children. So shoot me.

Please don't let others ruin this for you, it seems to be the very reason for living for some people, making others miserable.

And congratulations!

Eh, lots of people have a thing about 2 being enough - your mum sounds like one of them. You had no doubts until she said that. Don’t let it steal your joy.

My mum used to come out with this nonsense, she kept saying things like "why would anyone want more than 2 children, especially you, you'd never manage". I ignored her and we are now days away from welcoming DC4. Yes it's hard work and there are times I look around at the chaos and wonder why I did this to myself, but then all 3 of them pile into bed with me for morning snuggles and it is just the best thing ever. You will be fine OP, you and your DH have planned this, you're ready and it will be brilliant. Good luck!

Ps my mum is now a devoted granny to 3 who is beside herself with excitement over DC4....

Was your mum somehow (and in a v clumsy way) trying to protect you from disappointment if further IVF didn't work? Assuming she didn't know you were already pregnant?
Either way it's difficult to hear from someone who is supposed to have your back
But you know deep down that your lifestyle is ready for another child/ children
Best of luck

Thank you - these are lovely helpful messages. My mum is a mystery. In some ways very supportive but can say some really nasty things and even if you tell her that it was horrible she won’t care.

She loves my kids and they love her. It’s just made me think. But it’s done now and you can’t put this ketchup back in the bottle. Plus I have 7 months or so to prepare.

Thank you for the support. It’s helped. X

Quick update for anyone interested. It is only one embryo that has survived thus far so while a little sad, it’s also a big relief.

Feeling much more positive - so thank you for all the support with my “wobble”. X

I can't imagine the mixed feelings you must be going through Give yourselves a bit of time to process- then you can come back fighting