Really struggling with newborn and anxiety

[Shefliesonherownwings]

I’m hoping someone can help with this as I’m really struggling with things at the moment. Almost exactly a year ago my first born, a DD, was stillborn at 41 weeks. Obviously we were devastated and to be honest are still dealing with the grief. One of the effects of losing her was that I became very anxious about lots of things that never bothered me before. I had counselling which helped a great deal and in March this year I fell
pregnant again. The pregnancy was very hard and my anxiety was sky high throughout. I just wanted to get DS here safely. Now he is though, I’m really struggling.

DS is 3 weeks old and I feel my anxiety rising each day. I’m constantly dreading him waking up and crying, dreading the night feeds and lack of sleep, I’m worrying if he is ok and whether we should be doing more for him. DH and I are bickering about everything and i’m just not enjoying this time at all. I feel awful saying this as he was so wanted and we have been on such a hard road to get here but I wonder if we did the right thing in having him and maybe I’m not cut out for this. I wish I was loving every second but I’m not. I’d never ever hurt him but I just get no joy from this and in fact, unless he’s asleep I can’t relax. Even then I’m paranoid about him waking up and crying, I just find it all so stressful.

Part of me wonders if this is to do with losing DD and the grief but then I think that we should be so grateful we have him here and why can’t I just be happy about that. Anyone have any advice? Does it get better??

I think it’s natural to have some anxiety but yours is more pronounced because of your experiences. Can you speak to your health visitor or gp and say you think you have postnatal anxiety?

Go and see your GP OP or talk to your HV.

Health anxiety isn't that unusual and given your traumatic history even less surprising.

There are really successful treatments for anxiety and health anxiety so please ask for help.

Did you have any trauma therapy after the death of your daughter? It may be that this is still an unmet need.

With the right treatment this will get better.

The HV is coming on Wednesday so I will talk to her then. I just feel a bit of a failure explaining how much I’m not enjoying this. I love DS but I just feel so stressed and worried the whole time.

Getting a gp appointment is impassible right now, so I think talking to the HV will be better.

@thanksgivingchi I had bereavement counselling from December until just before DS was born. I have also been referred to a bereavement charity for post natal support and i’m speaking with someone from there this week too. I do wonder if I still have not really dealt with losing DD. I don’t feel I have accepted it at all although the counselling did help. I wonder if getting pregnant again and focusing on the pregnancy masked my being able to properly process the loss. I’ll see what the HV says.