Not sure if it’s hormones making me feel so miserable

[Whatthedoodle]

I’m 20 weeks today. I just don’t feel like me any more, I’m not sure if it’s hormonal, lockdown, or some sort of antenatal depression.
I feel like I’ve lost all sense of ‘me’ like the only thing going for me is my kids or the fact I’m pregnant. I have no hobbies any more, I barely see any friends (we do text but it’s not the same, due to restrictions).

My son is only 1, so I feel like for the last 2 years it’s been “babies babies babies” as my SIL and best friend had them too. SIL had another with a close age gap and my best friend is thinking of trying in the next few months. And my other close friend just found out she’s pregnant too. Maybe at the minute I’m just craving something else to focus on.

I have a good relationship with DP but somehow I feel so lonely. What is worrying me at the minute, I’ve let my thoughts run away with me and it’s made me feel worse. I feel like if I was told I had a week to live Id be relieved. Maybe I’m just fed up I don’t know.

I’ve spoke to DP and hes trying his best to be supportive, he’s said all the right things it’s just not helping.

Has anyone else felt like this and got better?

Probably not going to be much help but I completely relate to how you're feeling. I have a six month old and three older ones and I've been fine with all the lockdown etc until now and it's like I've hit a wall. Suddenly lonely and depressed and it's worse with all the time to think during the day. Like you say, husband says we've got loads to look forward to, see a doctor, you've got to stop thinking like this but it's no help.

I feel the same at the moment, expecting my second. Keep thinking awful things like I should have had a termination when I had the chance. I can't feel any excitement and even feel like I don't want to be a parent to my daughter anymore.

Hope you are okay OP, I don't think lockdown helps as there is nothing to take your mind off of things at the moment.

I can too relate to how you are all feeling, I def think lockdown and restrictions plays a big part in feeling alone in it all, even talking on here is a big step for me but I have today made the decision to speak to my midwife about how I am feeling and I’m praying that all these horrible thoughts will start to ease and eventually go away.

Sorry this is long but I just need to get it out.
I’m 11 weeks pregnant with my 4th which was a surprise and when I first found out I was really happy about it even though my husband was not at all, I think his actual words were gutted! But I didn’t care, I knew he’d come around and it didn’t alter my feelings. Up until 2 weeks ago anyway, then it all changed. My youngest is 3 and although he hasn’t been diagnosed yet, we have been told and believe ourselves that he has autism, we’re not really sure to what extent yet.
So then, I started googling siblings with autism and found out there is a 15/20% chance of having a second sibling with autism and the later child is usually more severe so initially I panicked about having 2 children with this condition that I am only just starting to learn about, worried what this will mean for my 3rd, that I won’t be able to give him the attention and focus that he needs from me and also my older 2 boys, again even less time to spend with them and all sorts was running through my head. Then I thought the only thing I can do to ensure all our lives aren’t completely thrown through a loop is to have an abortion. Initially I was devastated that this is my only real option but then I started to come round to the idea and then actually wanted to do it and felt complete clarity with this decision. I was actually happy that I could now continue my life like normal.
Got the balls to tell all this to my husband who understood but disagreed and thought that I’d find it even more painful to go through with an abortion and now 2 weeks later I’m not feeling any different, I just feel miserable and if I do go through with the pregnancy, we’re planning on telling our boys and rest of family at Xmas and I can’t think of anything worse right now than everyone knowing.
For ages I kept thinking I wasn’t done with having children and just one more would do, hoping for a pink one and now I am pregnant, I think Iv realised that I never wanted another child at all!!
Think I need to grow a pair and talk to my husband again but the thought of doing that scares the hell out of me so I’m going to first speak with my midwife and hopefully she can sort my head out!