Is this normal post partum depression or something else?

[Babyaug2020x]

Hi everyone,

I’m really struggling since giving birth, my son is 8 weeks old and I’ve been having what I assumed was post natal depression symptoms.

Small backstory, I had depression and anxiety years ago which was quite bad, I was also treated for psychosis (not bipolar but I was hearing things and very paranoid).

I was fine for 3 years until I got pregnant. My mood started to dip drastically in my last trimester and my anxiety was crazy.

Since giving birth my mood is all over the place and it’s one extreme to another. It started just being constantly depressed for a few weeks, but I don’t even know what is happening now and I’m quite scared.

Some days my mood is so low that I can’t see any way out and fantasise about not being here, and think I can’t live anymore. Then the next day I’ll suddenly feel fine. I feel great and so motivated and want to go out and do loads of things and sort the house out, be productive. This doesn’t last long, sometimes only a few hours, but sometimes a day or two.

I’m just not sure what to do, I was given sertraline for my depression which I was taking, but when I have a ‘good’ day/few hours I think I don’t need to take it and I wonder why I ever asked for help to start so I don’t take it.

Then the next day I can’t cope again and I feel so low that I’m annoyed at myself for missing a day. Eventually I’ve just stopped taking them all together as it’s probably not working and my head is just all over the place.

Has anyone else had this? I don’t really know what to do. I often feel like I’m dissociating and like things aren’t real at the moment too.

Hi, I’m also going through similar but with so many physical symptoms that I’m convinced I have a serious illness. Wishing you the best and hoping you also pull through this

Hi BabyAug2020x I've had very similar, finished anxiety meds in 2018, had my first baby 12 weeks ago. I had hideous antenatal anxiety/depression, and post birth, dreadful anxiety for which I again have meds. It has taken me until now to accept I need the help - I had days where I felt fine, and days where I hit rock bottom (whenever I haven't slept). My milk dried up due to the stress and sleeplessness 😓
Please don't take sertraline on and off; you can create an imbalance that makes you feel worse. I currently have a 'spike' of anxiety, which I have to remind myself is normal when I start meds. if you don't want to take sertraline, please please talk to your doctor asap about how to come off safely with their support x

Hi @Babyaug2020x - first of all, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I too had severe pnd with my son over three years ago so I know how you feel.

Please take your medication every day. Taking it on and off will have effects on your mental health. I know it's hard to succumb to it and I guess in a way admit defeat, but the medication WILL help you. Mine pulled me out of a big black hole and brought me back to myself.

Are you having therapy? Have you been referred for any? If you are in the UK, maternal mental health treatment is always prioritised as urgent. So even if you self refer on IAPT, it will really help you I promise.

Also, have you got anyone to help you with baby? Even just one hour per week will give you some well needed time alone. Do something you enjoy, meet a friend or family member, take a relaxing yoga class or a hot bath. Just something to relax your mind. If you've not got it already download Insight Timer app to your phone and listen to some meditations by Sarah Blondin. She is amazing.

You have been through so much. Please be kind to yourself. Show yourself compassion and remember how hard you've fought to be here today. You will get through this, it's just a matter of time. Nothing heals us more than time. X

I was exactly the same after having ds, some days I wanted to end it all, others just felt low but OK. Gradually the bad days happened less & less & I actually started to have good days when I felt almost normal. Don't stop & start medication, you need to have a continuous level in your body to get better, the lows will get worse if you don't because if you haven't taken your medication one day, you don't know if the day after will be a good day or a bad day. It took me a good 18 months before my doctor was satisfied that I was ready to be weaned down to a lower dose. Because I suffer from anxiety & depression normally, I have been on antidepressants since I was 17, I am 54 now & will always need them.