I don't want to read and run, but I had very similar feelings during a desperately wanted pregnancy, and I was diagnosed with antenatal depression and anxiety and ended up having a weekly meeting with a psychologist.

It really helped and while I hated every second of being pregnant, I got through it and didn't end up suffering from postnatal depression.

I can write more later.

Sorry to hear you’re feeling like this. Most places now have NHS perinatal mental health services, which are specifically there to support you with your mental health when you’re pregnant and after your baby is born.

Your midwife might refer you, but if not, you could find them online contact them yourself.

p.s. some of what you describe sounds like tokophobia (fear of being pregnant, and childbirth).

The perinatal mental health services I mentioned should be able to support you with this, and you might be able to find some self help resources online too.

All the best x

Short version of long story:
Also have PCOS. Tried for years, finally got pregnant unexpectedly. Spent pregnancy thinking "WTF have I done?" Felt guilty I felt like that, couldn't tell anyone. I love dd immeasurably but the pregnancy and the first few months after were incredibly hard and I felt very lost. I should have sought help straight away, I now know I didnt have to feel like that.
Speak to your midwife, they can help and you shouldn't have to suffer like this. Me and my now teenager have a wonderful relationship and I wouldnt be without her, but I wish I had got help when pregnant.

Ok, back again!

I didn't have tokophobia - I wasn't remotely concerned about being pregnant or giving birth until I actually was pregnant and it was horrible. I had really bad nausea and threw up a lot and generally felt and looked terrible. I also HATED that people seemed to think I had nothing better to do with my time than "be pregnant". I'm still baffled about how anyone can enjoy it . oh and I was so scared of giving birth that I used to have panic attacks in the street and vomit in fear.

I also hated the weird assumption that you have a personality transplant when you're pregnant/become and mum and suddenly all you want to do is mope around singing nursery rhymes and going to baby sensory. Well, I say BOLLOCKS TO THAT. I still have no interest in doing baby stuff, I'm a 33 year old woman with a career and a masters degree, why would I want to sit around singing the wheels on the bus?

Anyway, DS is now 15 months old and he's fab. I've always really enjoyed him and he's a great little sidekick. I love going on adventures with him - pre-Covid we used to go to parks and museums and to brunch and exploring all over town. Even now, he loves to go out and go to new places. He's silly, and funny and a great little travel buddy. I've made new friends through him, because he's a sociable little creature and now I don't know what I'd do without them.

I'm still scarred by pregnancy (had a c-section, so the birth was super easy and painless) but I love being a mum. It's fine to do it on your terms, you don't have to give up your life, or your interests, or your personality.

OP I could have written your post, I have been pregnant 3 times and felt exactly the same each time. I just loathe being pregnant, I am of a super tiny frame and as soon as my body starts changing it freaks me out, I think I took one photo last time I was pregnant as I was so repulsed by it all.

I also chose not to tell anyone 'til I was half way through the pregnancy as I didn't want all the talk of babies and stuff, I love my Daughter of course but I'm not a baby person and never feel "broody" - even that word makes me feel sick.

What I will say is that as soon as I had my daughter I felt exactly the same as I did pre pregnancy, it didn't change anything really and I was still the same person, I didn't get PND either with her, I was just so happy to have my body and autonomy (if that's the right word) back. I chose not to breastfeed too for that reason, I just wanted my body back and didn't want to give anything else up, screw what everyone else thought.

So in my opinion it's totally normal, I think we are force fed these images of blooming expecant mothers and not many people admit to hating it. It's so consuming and such a massive thing to get your head around.

If you want to lay in bed for the next few months until you get your head round things then just do it I say. That's what I'm doing at the moment.

Just remember it's totally normal and you're entitled to feel however you want, I hope you're okay as I know how tough it feels when you are in the grips of it. Sorry I have rambled so much

Hi. I felt a lot like this in my first pregnancy. Now pregnant with DC2 four years later as I wanted enough of a gap to spend a good chunk of time enjoying being ‘me’ again first. This time it’s not currently so bad, I think partly because I know I do get to go back to being wholly myself, and partly because people seem to subject you to a lot less of the unwanted advice, ‘magical time’ comments, telling you how you ought to feel as a mother and other bullshit with a 2nd so I don’t feel so unnatural and inadequate.

Definitely, I'm no feminist really but it seems like you do become invisible and people just see you as the incubator Not everyone but a lot of people want to wrap you up in cotton wool.

There is no correct way to approach it just do whatever makes you feel better, and recognising how you feel about it is a great first step!