Want a baby but SO anxious, please help!

[clhx76]

Hi all!

I’m not sure if this is the right place to post this but could really do with some advice/help. First of all what I’m about to talk about does include talks of termination so if this triggers you please don’t read on.

In 2018, I got unexpectedly pregnant and whilst I was happy for the first day my anxiety started to creep in (I suffer with bad anxiety and intrusive thoughts). Every day I was torn between wanting the end product (the baby) but unsure if I could go through the whole 9 months feeling so awful. On top of this I was convinced that I would die during childbirth etc. In the end, my anxiety was so bad I chose to have a termination.

Now it is 2020 and I am thinking about my future and how badly I want children however I still have terrible anxiety despite this I am still wanting to try for a baby. I spoke to GP and have decided to go on anti depressants (escitalopram) and also to lose some weight before getting pregnant. I am going to start the anti depressants tomorrow.

Now I am left thinking... do I really want this? Will I get anxious again and regret getting pregnant? Will I be ok during pregnancy (Health wise), what if I have the baby and totally regret him/her, what if I can’t cope and I’m miserable etc. However every time I see a baby my heart is longing!!!

Has anybody else been in this situation? Has anybody ever regretted having their child?

Thank you in advance!!

Really sorry to hear about what you've been through OP. Mental health struggles during pregnancy are awful and not spoken about openly enough.

I had antenatal anxiety and depression when I was pregnant and it was so horrible. For months I was very torn about whether or not I could go through with it despite the fact I'd been TTC for some time. Like you I'd had issues with anxiety pregnancy. I came off my ADs when found out I was pregnant and I just spiralled, on reflection think I'd have been better off staying on them throughout. I ended up going to counselling which I found a huge help.

Is therapy something you have done or could do? It sounds like you have so much that you need to unpick before you can make a decision. It's really responsible of you to be asking yourself these questions before making the plunge and it's great you've already spoken to your GP.

In my case it helped me understand what was triggering my anxiety and causing it to spiral and ultimately understand myself better. I felt more in control and by 20 weeks I started feeling better.

I have to add that my mental health has been generally better since having my child and I'm happily back on antidepressants. Obviously everyone has a completely difference experience though.

*like you I'd had Issues with anxiety before pregnancy

I am a horrendous overthinker, planner and worrier. Anything out of my control can send me into an anxious spiral. I always knew I wanted a family but the fact I couldn’t plan and control everything in the process and bail out whenever it got too much (as in it’s not possible to return a 5 year old lol) scared me!
However, the one thing that stopped all of that for me is that fact that I know that if 60 year old future me looks back on my life, the only real regret I’d have is not having (or at least trying to have) children. I figure I could cope with anything else but I couldn’t live with that. And plus anything else kinda big/scary I’ve done (buying a house/getting a dog etc) I’ve looked back on and wished I’d done sooner and not faffed about so much!
I’m 11 weeks pregnant now with baby 1, I have moments of panic of what’s to come but I’m feeling positive about everything 🙂

Just try to follow your heart and not think about the past x

Suffered from anxiety in varying degrees for years and have 2 dc. You can do this op! I won't lie if hasn't been easy but if anything having dc has taught me to be kind to myself. I need to be healthy so they can be healthy. I look after myself more now than ever before! They also make my laugh and smile every day and that makes up for all the hard parts.

me^

Hello!

Thought I would add something also. I didn't have anxiety or depression pre baby, or even during my pregnancy. I did however, have very bad postnatal depression. It was later diagnosed as perinatal OCD (mainy consisting of horrible intrusive thoughts surrounding my baby). I was very unwell and luckily received two lots of therapy, took medication and sorted myself out. My son is three now and whilst I'm not fully recovered (hate that word) I am very happy and healthy.

Like you I've had bad anxiety about having my second child. Am v fearful of the what if's and scared of the depression/anxiety/OCD rearing it's ugly head again. BUT, why should we live in fear? And be ruled by it? As someone else has mentioned above, always go with your heart. If you want a child, have one. You've dealt with your anxiety this far, you can do it again if you need to. And let me tell you, regardless of the hardships that may or may not lie ahead, it will ALWAYS pass.

X

Hey.. as soon as i found out i was pregnant, i thought im gona die i just know it!!! I cannot imagine getting through child birth alive!. I suffer from anxiety and i have taken tablets in the past for anxiety and depression... i just keep thinking, children are the one thing i want more than anything in life so id regret it more living until a ripe old age with no children than giving it a go!!! I know that sounds odd but i think part of me feels that if i did die.. it'd be doing the one thing i wanted more than anything... but hopefully i wont! And neither will you 😥 xxx

Omg you sound like me lol!! Xx