Hi,

I had my second baby 6 weeks ago and my eldest is 3.
I feel sooo tired and hopeless at the moment. I’m struggling to see the wood from the trees.

I wanted a second and was so excited during pg but as soon as she was here, she was feeding constantly and I felt such a deep guilt for my eldest as I just wasn’t able to spend time. We had feeding issues and eventually moved to bottle at 4 weeks which I also feel incredibly guilty about as she just doesn’t seem to settle or spend much time awake and happy. She will eventually go down at night between 10&11 for 3-4 hours but she is constantly stirring and so I’m just not sleeping. By time put her back down after feed it’s almost 4 and she will be stirring again an hour later. Hubby will do night feeds but his dead to the world when asleep so I have to spend 10 mins getting him awake enough.
Most days I can push these feelings aside, with enough coffee and tea. But I often feel like I haven’t got a grip on the situation, most days we are all still in pjs at noon which I also feed guilty for. We have been isolating as much as possible for sake of baby and not really even going for walks- tbh, it seems like a mammoth fast just to get out of the house.

I feel incapable most of the time and as though I am just making it through the day with my children fed and clean.

I often ask myself why we had a second as we had got to a good place with our eldest and then immediately hate myself for thinking such a thing.

I’m scared it could be pnd but also wonder if it isn’t just severe sleep deprivation- I’ve never been able to cope well on lack of sleep but this is pushing me to the limits.
I know things will get better and easier but on bad days I do wonder- I just want to walk out 😭