I am confused with my 4 week pregnancy

[sybily]

Hi. I have a 4 week pregnancy. My husband supports me very well both mentally and economically. I did not tell that to our family because of the risk of the miscarriage. Also I don't have any friend so noone knows that I am pregnant except my husband. Actually I always thought that it's ridiculous to deliver a baby to this world because of the negatives like bad people, wars etc. But the last 3 months I realised I want to have one. We did not talk that much with my husband but I know he wants a child. We tried once and I became pregnant. But I am not excited. I am confused. I am not positive. We discussed two times about it. I don't know what is happening. The main problem is I am vegan and my husband is not. But also I think I have more problems than that. Because of the coronavirus, I cannot get help from a psychologist. I thought about abortion but I don't want to make my husband sad. If I do that, I may harm our marriage.
Thanks for reading.

Hi,

Really sorry to hear that you're feeling that way. It does sound as though it was something you wanted but has come sooner than expected. Is that right?

What do you think is making you feel uneasy?

The main thing is that my husband is not vegan and he wants to buy things to the baby that are not vegan and not cruelty free. Maybe clothing, care products... But also he wants the baby eat meat, dairy products, fish. That's something that I don't want. So I have too much difficulties about it. I want to raise my baby as a vegetarian. So he/she will not have difficulties in life. Then he/she can have a choice as being vegan or vegetarian. If I have an abortion, most probably we don't want to have another child then. He said then our marriage will be at risk of end. I don't know what should I do? What is the right thing to do?

That is difficult and sounds as though you fell pregnant before you'd both figured out how you wanted to raise a child together.

I think the thing that makes it harder is that, actually, there is no right thing to do. I think whichever choice you make will have consequences for you, which is difficult and you have my sympathies.

Sometimes it's helpful to have the options laid out very clearly so if his mind is totally made up I think these are your options:

1. Stay with your husband and raise your child eating meat.
2. Leave your husband and raise your child vegetarian when they're with you but accept that they'll be given meat by their dad.
3. Abort the pregnancy and stay with your husband knowing you'd not have children/wait until your values were aligned.
4. Abort the pregnancy and leave your husband hoping to meet someone who agreed with your values and have a child with them.

How do you feel about each of those options? Do any of them seem better than the rest?

How much have you spoken to him about your preference to raise your child vegetarian and let them make their own choice when they're old enough? Personally, I think that is he most sensible thing but obviously that has no bearing on your situation!

Thank you very much for the answers. The choices made my mind clear. Actually I think I don't want to leave him. Because I he really makes me feel happy. He listens me, appreciates me. Also he loves me and doesn't want to leave me as well. Abortion will make him very sad. We talked about that a lot. He respects me about having a vegan diet during pregnancy. But when it comes to the child he wants to see the same respect from me. He wants to buy shoes, clothing to baby whatever he likes. He is conscious about shopping and makes so much research before buying sth. He respects me about buying vegan and cruelty free products to the baby too. But I have difficulties about respecting his choices for the baby.
Thank you so much for reading.

But we are agree about the child can be make his/her own decision when he/she old enough.

It sees very early on to discuss issues such as future diet for dc. Most are predominantly vegetarian for first year anyway. Are you vegan or vegetarian, how do you reconcile differences in what you each eat at the moment? Do you also have more fundamental differences about upbringing , such as religion? Maybe you can find a compromise on ethical products if you research. You can still access therapy online or by phone.