I don't want this baby

[Kami625]

Hi, I’ve recently discovered I’m pregnant & I'm nearly 41. My partner & I had been trying for nearly 12 months (I have a daughter from my first marriage & he doesn’t have children). We gave ourselves a time frame due to my age & last month we decided to stop trying as I’m approaching 41. At that point I began to look forward to a different future, change career, we were planning holidays for us as a 3, buying a house together etc. I had a bad relationship before him so I really felt that life was on track for my daughter & I, I completely love him & he & my daughter have a great relationship. Having come to terms that we will not have a child together & our plans changed, we then discovered I was pregnant & had been for 4 weeks. I’m now 7 weeks.
I was surprised at first but now I feel devastated that the plans we made excited me & I felt relief that we hadn’t become pregnant because I realised that the alternative was more fun & carefree, something I hadn't experienced in a long time before we met. He is elated & excited & I just feel bereft. I wanted this but then came to terms it wasn’t going to happen but now it has, I feel lost, I'm not excited. I want my 40s to enjoy life & not go through this again. Of course, I will have the baby & im sure when he/she is here there will be no issues with bonding but I just don’t feel happy, if anything I’m secretly hopeful for a miscarriage which kills me with guilt. I have no one that I can speak to & I can’t find anything online. It’s not depression, it’s shock & I feel as though I’m not ready again but there is absolutely no way I would consider abortion as I love my partner too much, I just don’t want this life again. I do sometimes look forward to our life as a family but the negatives far outweigh the positives. As I previously stated, the guilt is overwhelming.
Thank you for reading

I'm so sorry that you feel like this. Could you try contacting life charity? They are there for situations like this and can listen to you talk, you can talk to a Councillor etc. wishing you all the best x

I'm so sorry you feel like this. Remember early pregnancy is very difficult and doubts are natural. Don't beat yourself up too much. I really wanted a baby but when I got pregnant I looked up abortion clinics several times in first few weeks. It passed though. Try to Be honest about how you are feeling
Rather than stuffing it inside. A baby is a huge change and it is ok have doubts. I agree with the earlier poster regarding taking to someone. I'm sure it will all be ok. Plus can't you still do some of the things you had planned? Maybe you could focus on trying to keep some of these plans. Good luck

So sorry to hear this. Your feelings seem completely natural, no reason to feel guilty about them. Would it help to talk to your partner about this, it might even bring you closer.

As time goes you will probably be able to imagine a new life with this baby as well, we are so adaptable. But do give yourself space for these feelings. Wishing you good things.