Impulsive thoughts

[ej17941]

Please I really don't know wht to do anymore. I've recently had my baby 3 weeks ago and I was so happy to finally have him with me. The thought of him being away from my sight for too long with fill me up with anxiety but I've recently noticed out of the blue I have thoughts of hurting him. I don't know why it's happening to me because I love him so much. There's times I get like pictures in my head of dropping him or wondering how long he can go without breathing but once I snap out I cry so desperately in disappointment hating myself for thinking that. I feel like the worst person ever and beat myself up for it. No, I haven't done anything to him because I stop myself and walk away and try to calm down before I can pick him up again because I know it's not me I would never hurt my baby but these thoughts come so random I can't do it anymore how do I get them out of my head!!!

This is absolutely something I would talk to your GP or HV about. There’s so many huge hormonal changes when you give birth that it can cause all sorts, but they can help refer you to the right people. There is a perinatal mental health team who are here for exactly this sort of thing, which must be very upsetting. Congratulations on your lovely baby

Yes thank you.I did have a very dramatic delivery but I'm afraid me talking to someone about this personally can get my baby taken away or have my family and especially my husband think I'm dangers to be around our son.

It can’t get your baby taken away. It can help you keep him. Speak to your mw, hv or gp. You need a referral to perinatal mental health. They will absolutely help you.

Okay thank you I'll do that

Honestly they’re not going to take your baby away because you reached out for help with your thoughts. I would also tell your husband because you’ll need support from him as well

I also had this. It's called intrusive thoughts. I had post natal anxiety and the intrusive thoughts were a huge part of it for me. Absolutely awful and I wished I had got help sooner. I definitely did not want to hurt my baby or act on those thoughts, they were just part of my condition. CBT really helped me. But I probably should have considered medication earlier on (lots are safe when breastfeeding btw).

Speak to your GP- they definitely will have seen this before and be able to help you. They won't take your baby.

I have recently had my second baby and had a much better 'action plan' in place for if this happened again- I spoke drs and midwives about it before birth they were all so understanding. And FWIW I didn't experience it again this time.

I hope that's helpful.

Intrusive thoughts are extremely common (90% of the population report them) and very, very few of us ever act on them.

Much of the time, intrusive thoughts are our internal danger-detection systems looking for things that could go wrong. So they focus on the worst things we can possibly imagine, and (therefore) the things we are least likely to do. It's a form of anxiety.

Thoughts are just thoughts. We can imagine all sorts of things without ever acting on them, or even wanting to.

Like a pp said, please talk to your midwife/ health visitor/gp/ talking therapies. It sounds like you'd benefit from a bit of CBT (a talking therapy). The CBT would give you more information about these kinds of thoughts and help you manage them.

This is actually pretty common and does not mean you're a danger to your son.

Yes this was helpful thank you guys. I feel more relieved knowing I'm not the only one that went through this and that it's more common then I thought. I guess the problem is no one does truly talk about it.

Rina, this is really common. These are just thought and not an indication of danger. If anything they mean that you are worried about your baby. The funny thing with these is that the less you take them seriously the sooner they go away. If you start worrying about them they have a tendency to self perpetuate. I would definitely consider CBT. You can get fairly good books on CBT (Look for books on OCD as intrusive thoughts are often part of OCD. But having intrusive thughts doesn't mean that you have OCD.) Take care

Oh my lovely angel mama, I've been there too. It's terrifying isn't it?

Mine started when my son was a couple of months old and made me doubt every part of myself. I went to my GP straight away and was referred for CBT which helped but make sure you say you want someone who can specifically help with the intrusive thoughts.

Are you getting much time alone? Are you sleeping well/eating well? I'm not a doctor by all means but these things are essential to getting better. Guided meditation helped me SO much too. Apps like Calm and Insight Timer are amazing. I would also recommend a couple of books to help - Anna Mathur Mind over Mother is amazing and Overcoming unwanted intrusive thoughts.

Message me if you need to chat x

Oh you poor poor thing. I had this. I’d be stood at the top of the stairs with our newborn and imagine dropping him down them. I couldn’t step foot on our balcony with or without him as it triggered the most awful thoughts. Fortunately it did go away in time, but I wished I’d known it was as common as it is and talked to someone about it. Good luck with talking to your GP, they will absolutely help you.