Don’t feel supported by Peri-natal team

[Luckyme30]

I posted in the general pregnancy thread but maybe it’s better here:-

After my GP referring me to the Perinatal Team at my request (I’m 7 weeks pregnant) I had an assessment last week and they called today to say that basically I’m a low priority and have referred me to talking space for talking therapy!! I know I may sound ungrateful to some but I feel really let down by this service - a little back history is I’ve had 3 terminations due to tokophobia (extreme fear of pregnancy) and have been on antidepressants and suffered anxiety last year so much so I couldn’t leave the house for a period of time.

I hate to say this as I really do love our NHS but I feel thoroughly let down and feel I’m a high risk, I don’t want to terminate this pregnancy but I really need support not just in the form of a Scheduled phone call once a week/every two weeks 😞 feel so let down and not sure how I’m going to get through this pregnancy 😞 without some further support.

I just broke down in tears on the phone when they told me but I was told I’m deemed low risk and that they are dealing with people in mental health crisis I feel like I am!

I expressed my dissapointment in the outcome, of course I understand there are others needing their help but I reached out to them (which is difficult to do worh this phobia) and I feel really overlooked.

I honestly do not know if I will get through this pregnancy without professional mental health support and a phone call which is scripted and scheduled once every few weeks just is not enough :(

I do not know what to do, they have said that they are there in the background and if things get worse or I detriorate they will assess me again! How bad will it have to get for me to receive some more support and why should I have to wait for it to get bad :(

I feel like maybe there is more to this story, but I'll give you my opinion based on what you've said.
So you have a fear of pregnancy and have already had three terminations previously due to this - did you decline support previously? Have you had counselling at all? You can self refer to Let's Talk, if you feel that that might help. Honestly, from the perspective of someone who works in mental health, contact with a health professional at this time especially, every 1-2 weeks, is pretty good going. There is only so much that the NHS can do for you with regards to medication, especially when pregnant.
Would you like to go through with the pregnancy? If so, I do think you need to try and help yourself a bit to overcome your phobia. Please self refer, if nothing else. I really hope that you feel better soon, I know it's not an easy situation to be in x

@mumworkstudywine why do you feel like there is more to the story? There’s definitely not!

Just to update I did contact ‘Talking Space’ a week ago, still no response from them - I get that at this time but was told that they would prioritise it due to perinatal priority.. anyway I’ve accepted it.

Also just to add after talking to my GP last week she is in agreement it is not enough support (after all she knows my full medical history) she is now referring me to another team - I would have to travel but I’m willing to do that for some support.

I understand what you are saying but with respect it’s not as simple as just helping myself to ‘overcome my fear’ I wish I could - that’s why I’m asking for help from professionals who can offer me tools to do that - I can’t do it on my own - I have tried.

I completely understand with what’s going on at the moment services may be limited and I’m ok with that, but I do feel that to neglect those with mental health issues is not going to help anyone in the long run.

I was/am classed as high risk and only got/get a phonecall once a week, sometimes fortnightly so if you are getting that you are doing ok. I have been told that the services will be less and they may be asked to work in hospitals. Unfortunately it's a very difficult situation at the moment.

I’m not even getting that!!! That’s the problem! What I said above is that is all I would like!

@mumworkstudywine If you are someone who works in mental health then why on earth are you telling someone to get just over their phobia? What kid a mental health advice is that?!

I think you need to keep pushing OP regardless of what’s going on at the moment you should still be a priority. Keep calling daily if you have to until someone takes you seriously and so sorry you are going through this. Good luck

I’m sure you have a reason/back story but if it was me I would have already have ensured I have continuing support (a good therapist who I already had confidence in) in place before trying to get pregnant.

@marshmellowdreams thank you for your support, my midwife is in agreement of the need for extra support and I am waiting to hear from the Psychiatrist who works in Maternity. Also talking space agree with me that my issues are pregnancy related and ‘talking therapy’ is probably not appropriate for my level of need.

@RedRed9 easy to say - I did have a therapist before I got pregnant (I paid privately) she felt that I was ready to get pregnant. It’s easy to say when you don’t understand the phobia I have. It’s either get pregnant and live with the phobia and try to manage it as best I can (with support - which I feel I am entitled to, I don’t smoke, drink or have any other Heath issues that mean I use NHS resources) or its accept that I’ll never be able to have children and let the phobia win!

I’ve always struggled to find that people understand this phobia and find it really sad that many women don’t understand it and are really judgemental. It’s just like any other phobia and should be treated in the same way.

Not meaning to sound nasty but I work in substance misuse, many of my service users have severe mental health issues. One man has just been discharged from hospital after 3.5 months on a mental health ward. He has a weekly phone call from his CPN. That is it. Some have even had their telephone support cut. We're in a crisis, there isn't actually the support there. Staff have been redeployed. They can't see people face to face due to the risks.
I've got people who are suicidal and I am basically being told there's nothing I can do apart from phone support.
What exactly is it that you want? How much support because if you're wanting face to face, the chances are you aren't going to get it. Sad but true.

@Greggers2017 Have you bothered to read my posts? Or are you just jumping on this post to make me feel bad?!

Basically I asked for some support - a phone call once a week, no one needs to come to my house/I don’t need to go to a hospital for that!

I could say something about the service users you work with but I’m not going to as everyone is entitled to mental health support (if you work in mental health I would have hoped you off all people understand that). I really think you should re-evaluate why you’re doing your job!

I am just as important as the people you work with so please don’t try and make me feel as if I’m not!

You are just whAt I described in my previous post - you have no understanding whatsoever of how I’m feeling/ what I’m going through.

Could you afford to pay for therapy and support? I understand that you are entitled to mental health support under the NHS but, honestly, the resources just aren't available at the moment.

Agree with the above. Going to unfollow this thread.

What form of help do you want? I'm not being obtuse but is most therapy not 'talking' ?

You said in your first post “ but I really need support not just in the form of a Scheduled phone call once a week/every two weeks 😞 feel so let down“.

Now you want a call once a week?

You likely just don't meet their criteria. A lot of perinatal MH teams only work with pregnant women with serious mental illness like schizophrenia or bi-ploar or are at risk of psychosis after the birth having had post partum psychosis with previous pregnancies.

Phobias, anxiety etc therefore are directed to GP, talking therapies and the maternity MH workers. That's the case in my area and sounds like it might be the case in yours.

If you were paying privatly to see a therapist who felt you were ready to get pregnant.. why dont you just go back to her? Undoubtedly she will be the best person to help you.

Im confused as to whether a call once a week or every 2 weeks is acceptable to you.

However,

Im also under the perinatal mental health team and a phychiatrist. Im high risk and im only getting one call a week. Its not even a proper session - she literally just askes how I am ( she is working from home and mostly gets interrupted by her young children so really not ideal). Ive now been put on quetiapine which is an antipsychotic medication and even that didnt trigger a face to face or more close monitoring. It is what it is.

Im lucky im much further on than you so have a midwife ( having said that she has just cancelled today so no idea when i will see her again)

Regarding my birth plan - my multidisiplinary meeting isnt sceduled untill 30 weeks. No one is even brooching the subject before then.

Putting it in perspective... what sort of level of support do you suppose other people with phobias have from the NHS? Most probably wait months for anything and its likely a one off.

Your phobia is very real and im not belittling it, however, you do need to make sure you are doing your upmost to help yourself.

By this i mean... Im hoping after 3 terminations for the same reason that you didnt assume everything would be different this time and kept a little money aside for further private session after getting pregnant. Hopefully this will tide you over until you have more NHS options available to you.

Are there online chat groups for people with the same phobia? Any mindfulness apps you can add on your phone? What support does your partner offer?

Set your self daily reminders as to why you are going through with pregnancy? Start a mood board with ideas for how you will decorate a nursery?

Basically anything to get you past this stage where termination is an option?

Sorry i have nothing more helpful to add. But you are not alone in feeling slightly abandoned with regards to maternity care in this pandemic.

Have you been diagnosed with a depressive disorder in tandem with the tokophobia?

Thanks all for the kind comments and also those for your criticism - thank god I will never have the pleasure of meeting some of you people face to face!

I’m also going to ‘unfollow’ this post as it’s now old and I don’t really need to see the negative comments. Thanks

With the best will in the world I'm not really sure what you are expecting them to do. Their services will be incredibly stretched at the moment, it sounds like you were actually quite lucky to get a weekly phone call. They will be dealing with people with incredibly serious mental health issues such as psychosis and schizophrenia who need immediate treatment.

You've had private therapy which you must feel helped or you wouldn't have gone ahead and got pregnant, so you clearly have the resources to help yourself if you need to. Why dont you get back in contact with the therapist?

I don't think posters here are trying to be mean, but there simply arent the resources in the NHS for everyone to have the exact treatment they want, especially right now.