Please help - recovery stories?

[MrsB0412]

Please help me. I’m going through the worst time of my life. I’m 26w pregnant with twins from IVF sand have 4yr old daughter.
I suffered with hyperemesis gravidarum in both pregnancies. The current twin pregnancy was awful with me being admitted to hospital 8 times for severe dehydration and starvation and started on high dose steroid treatment. Thankfully the sickness improved eventually but as the sickness improved my mental health nose dived. Firstly I suffered such severe anxiety with palpitations, no sleep, extreme feelings of escape and at times I’m ashamed to say I was suicidal. The perinatal mental health team in my area got involved and gave me a sedative which helped. I started to improve and tried to stop the sedative and relapsed again. Except the relapse was worse and escalated into a deep depression.
Sertraline 100mg was added.
Whilst I’m doing better than I was I’m still nowhere close to the person I used to be and I’m so frightened that I’m never going to be myself again. Like each day is a struggle and a battle to get through.

I just wondered if anyone else has suffered with antenatal (or post natal) depression and recovered?
I really need some reassurance and positive stories of recovery.

Feeling so scared and lost :-(

Firstly, a big hug.

I had anxiety in my first pregnancy, followed by pnd and PTSD from birth trauma. It was a long and bumpy road but I survived it! Access all of the support that you can, even if you feel like all is lost. I had counselling and CBT which really helped but I took far too long to take the first step.

Have you spoken to your midwife about how you are feeling? Have they offered extra support through the hospital?

Thanks pinkflipop85
Are you back to your old self now and medication free?
I’m so scared that the way I feel now is going to be it forever.
I’m under the perinatal mental health team so they visit me weekly to keep a check on me. Problem with counselling and the like is my desire to do anything doesn’t exist - it’s a battle just to go to my scans and hospital appointments because I just don’t want to do anything so I’m not sure how I feel right now I would go to any sessions. Stupid I know.

It isn't stupid at all. I know exactly what you mean. It took me 18 months before I was ready for counselling and a further year before I considered CBT.

I still take 100mg sertraline daily, but I had depression and GAD long before pregnancy.

I was so much better in my second pregnancy though and my recovery afterwards has been so so different! (Thanks to placenta pills!)

My PTSD and pnd was so bad after dc1 that I had to have the mental health crisis team out daily but I came through the other side!

I developed post natal depression and anxiety, I essentially became housebound as I couldnt face taking DS out anywhere. GP gave me sertraline and I'm now in the process of coming off it - tablets every other day instead of daily. I'm feeling much better and much more like my old self, so hopefully that will reassure you that it will calm down for you! Always tell the midwives how you are feeling and make sure those around you are giving you the support you need. You'll come out the other side I'm sure x

I had awful anxiety throughout pregnancy, and the first few months were really tough, but I survived.
I still have days when it creeps up on me, but generally I can cope with the world again.
The effects of the sickness and nutrition will have an impact on your ability to think, feel and function, even if it is settling down, it will take a while to recover.
Take the drugs, talk to anyone who will listen, take each moment as it comes.
It will pass.

You are doing really well.

Just keep telling yourself that, because it’s true! Not many people could get through a difficult twin pregnancy whilst looking after a four year old, and not struggle in some way. It’s really normal to struggle in your circumstances.

Don’t feel like there is something wrong with you because there isn’t! You are going through a horrible time physically, emotionally and hormonally and your biochemistry is all over the place. Your body has been starving! You are bound to feel shitty and don’t for one minute believe that you are abnormal in this. Seriously, how else are you supposed to feel in these circumstances? 🤷🏼‍♀️

You will keep getting stronger, you will keep going and keep growing, just have faith about that. I have struggled in many ways with all my pregnancies and all my kids and just hang in there, it will get better.

If you can possibly cultivate a mindset of accepting that life isn’t and cannot be normal at the moment, you may start to find more ease with your situation.

Forget all the fussy stuff, the cleaning, the play dates, the perfection and just tell yourself you are going to love yourself and your daughter and focus on just getting through the day. It’s rainbows and sunshine sometimes in life. Other times it’s just a grind and hard graft, and you are in a hard graft phase. But you will come to the other side, you have done so well! Just to come on here and reach out to people and to reach out to services as you have already done takes a huge amount of energy and get up and go.

Slow down. In the most extreme way. Honestly, it’s what got me through my little ones early years in a difficult relationship. I just held a position of moving forward..... extremely.....fucking......slowly. It’s the best way you can get rest. You can’t stop, life won’t let you. But you can slow.....the....fuck....down. No pressure, no rushing. If you are working, obviously you have to be on time (roughly....) and you have to get your daughter to school on time (roughly....) but everything else? Who cares? Take everything incredibly easy!

Do you have support?

Pinkflipflop85 - I was under the crisis team too for a few weeks and got discharged recently.

Ladyslipper11 - how long were you on medication? Well more how long did it take you to feel like yourself again? I’ve had 50mg sertraline for 3 weeks and then increased to 100mg for 2 weeks and I’m still very up and down and can’t say that I feel close to my old self. It’s like I struggle to find any enjoyment in anything and every day is just a battle.

Cantchooseaname - did you take medication? Is reassuring to know it settled down a little after birth.

Sunrisingmama - thank you. It has been the worst and most traumatic time of my life. My mum lived with me for a while to help when I was suicidal. :-(

I often still also struggle to find enjoyment in anything, it’s something I have to constantly work on and I think that is pretty common when we are weighed down by responsibilities. Try and just take pleasure in tiny things..... a great cup of coffee, some lovely chocolate, nice soap, perfume, plants. I know it sounds trivial and when you are really depressed all that just sounds like bullshit, but if you just try and focus on these tiny parts of your day eventually it adds up to a brighter outlook.

The medication should elevate your mood. If it doesn’t then keep plugging at it with the doc until they find something that suits you.

Do you get outside much? This has been a bastard of a February, it’s been hideous and everyone is feeling a bit ropey because of it. Try and get some vitamin D supplements, I find they help loads to lift me out of the winter blues.

OP it took about 4 months for things to get better for me after lots of ups and downs. ive been on the medication for 13 months.