Will I be referred to social services?

[Worried2020]

Hi all,

I’ve been feeling very anxious since my baby was born over three months ago. Just general health anxiety and worrying thoughts that baby could come to harm when out and about. Things like a car hitting us in the pram or someone spilling coffee on her in a coffee shop etc.

I thought it would get better but Its becoming quite exhausting so I’ve self referred for therapy through the NHS website - just doing that made me feel a bit better. Anyway I’ve just had the triage call today and the lady was very nice but the asked what my daughters name was as she said they need to know of any child in the house under 18. I’m now beside myself that they are going to call social services and she’ll be taken off me until I’m better. Will they refer me to social services? I’m terrified, my husband will be so upset with me (haven’t told him how I’m feeling as I don’t want to upset or worry him).

Can I call back and ask them to not do that? I’m so worried, I wish I’d never called up and just sorted it myself.

Dinosauratemydaffodils So sorry to hear you went through all of that. I can’t imagine how hard that must be 💕

I do have an amazing support network, great friends and family - I’m very very lucky but I am also very private and I don’t want to burden anyone with my worries x

And to add OP - I was given ADs and had counselling. I got better and so will you.

Take care of yourself xx

@shreddednips thanks for you’re reply, I had a traumatic birth too and nearly bled to death. although I’ve tried to forget about it and not think about it, I wonder if that’s the cause of my worries

@Lightsong can I ask what the tablets are like? I don’t want to feel funny on them if you know what I mean x

The tablets were fine really, they came with a long list of side effects (like everything does!) but all I really noticed was a headache for the first couple of days. They started me off on a low dose 25mg and gradually built up to a dose that I feel best with 100mg.

They really have made a difference to me, and are totally 100% compatible with breastfeeding.

The CBT I did really helped too, it made me realise that some worry is good and useful, but most of my worries were imagined. I do still worry that DS is going to end up ill or injured sometimes, but that's normal. I don't fell like I'm on constant high-alert for any possible dangers at all times anymore, because that wasn't normal.

Please get your health visitor on board, and Homestart. Is your GP really not interested or is that your perception?

I'm sorry to hear about your traumatic birth. I definitely found that an important part of my therapy was to work through the trauma with my therapist. Like you, I had been trying to block it out. It was hard to talk through my experience and I found it challenging, but I've found that my symptoms have dramatically reduced. It can help to talk it through with a specialised therapist who understands birth trauma. I still have upsetting memories of it and other PTSD symptoms but these have reduced to a level where I'm able to enjoy life again. She also helped me learn ways of coping and looking after myself when I'm struggling.

I'm so sorry that you're not feeling good at the moment, but I want you to know that there is a lot of great help out there and you can recover with the right support. And there are so many women who will be able to relate to what you describe.

OP, social worker here. Social services are not going to be concerned because you are seeking support for your anxiety.
Seeking support for your mental health needs is a positive thing.
1 in 4 people have a mental health issue at some time, obviously social services is not involved with a quarter of parents.
Social services would only accept a referral if there was cause for concern about the care of a child. A mother seeking appropriate low level support for a common mental health issue would not meet this threshold.
Additional support if needed should come from your GP or health visitor.
Don't let misinformed anxiety about social services put you off seeking appropriate support for your health.

I’m very very lucky but I am also very private and I don’t want to burden anyone with my worries

I could be totally projecting here but if that's because you deep down don't believe you deserve help or sympathy or understanding or support, please don't bottle it and try and deal with it all by yourself.

I second another GP, I was offered setraline whilst breastfeeding by multiple GPs and pyschriatrists.

Please please don't worry! You won't be referred to SS. Think about it.... how many women suffer some form of PND/ anxiety? Thousands upon thousands. I had therapy for anxiety when I was pregnant and was in sertraline throughout... and still am with a 7m old. No sign of SS anywhere near. My HV kept an eye on me for the first few weeks... which I was grateful for but which wasn't necessary. Please don't cancel your therapy... the fact you are seeking out help is a massive positive. This is just your anxiety talking... rationally and logically SS have much more to worry about than a new mum who is (understandably and totally normally) worries about her baby.

Please, please, please do not cancel. If you don't seek help you may get worse, which will make things worse for you and your baby.

As both PPs and myself have said the fact you are actively seeking help will make any SS referral work in your favour. IF (and only IF) you are referred, they will look favourably on you actively seeking help.

From everything you've said, you are clearly putting your baby before everything else and are not a neglectful mother AT ALL.

For your sake, and the sake of the baby, please get help.

I had what is called "intrusive thoughts" about harming my child and had suicidal thoughts when my kids were very young. I spoke to my community midwife and she put me in touch with local talking therapy. At no point were SS or any health visitor imformed so I am sure you will be fine.

It just goes to show how many holes exist in maternal care in this country, that a perfectly loving, self-aware mother like the OP is frightened of seeking help in case it makes things worse. Makes me so sad and angry.

Please don't cancel the therapy - you felt you needed it and it would be better to have it than cancel.

It is all about safeguarding - if in therapy you say that you cannot cope with the baby or have thoughts of harming it then that will trigger a concern, but your post is not coming across that way. It is so much better to get help then leave it.

It takes a lot more than being anxious that someone else could harm your baby to have social services take a child - they have to have serious concerns along the lines or abuse and neglect.

If you still have your Health Visitor please speak to them or your GP but do get the help you need as your baby needs her mum well.

They won't talk to social services unless you said on the phone something that made them think your child was at risk of you hurting them, or not looking after them (practical care). Try not to worry about it but you could always call back and ask to speak to the therapist again to confirm.

OP. I have a 9 week old DS and I'm suffering with PND and anxiety. I spoke to the perinatal mental health nurse a couple of days ago and she gave me a form to sign that was a "permission to share" it allows her to share information with my GP and my health visitor. I asked if there was anyone else she would speak to if for example there was a safeguarding issue. She said it was highly unlikely. She said the only way she might have to is if she felt like there was an danger to DS which there isn't. She was also lovely.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't cancel. You need to get help. I've never felt lower than I do right now but the help is the light at the end of the tunnel. We'll get there OP but we can't do it alone.

A very good point @PirateWeasel.

OP have you had your bloods checked recently to see what your iron levels are? I only ask because it sounds like you had a PPH and having had one myself I know that my anxiety and intrusive thoughts were alot more pronounced until I got my iron levels up.

I had really bad post natal anxiety and self referred to cbt therapy through the nhs and they were lovely about it all. They had no concerns I was a risk to my baby so there was no need for ss they wasnt even mentioned. Health visitor came a bit more regularly just to check in. The support I got from everyone really helped and I now have almost no anxiety and a happy two year old. I'm not on any medication either.

I didn't want to read & not post as I do understand this worry so much. But I wanted to reassure you.

I was arrested & due to some things that transpired, I was de-arrested but referred to social services as I have my DS at home. Police wouldn't release me home, but to my GP - who know me very well.

I have diagnosed of PTSD, depression, self-harm, alcoholism & borderline personality disorder. With everything, SS didn't even visit me. They called & were satisfied after having spoken to my GP & me. Why? Primarily because I do engage with GP, medication & therapy.

I would assume they ask those questions of everyone to ascertain the household situation, and as your DC is young, they might inform your HV, but not as signposting for concerns, rather to see if any extra input might help.

Of course, these are only my opinions, based on my experience with SS.

I know how bad health anxiety can be, so I really feel for you. If you can speak to your GP, you might find a lot of support.

Children's services will NOT be contacted ! Please stop worrying.

I had PTSD and severe anxiety after the birth of my son. I've been on medication for years and have received counselling on a number of occasions.

I'm also a social worker..

My perinatal mental health issues were characterised by intrusive thoughts of harming my children. Social services were never informed

How are you doing OP?

I’m a children’s social worker. There’s no way we would be involved with you in the circumstances you describe. You’re doing your best and you’re trying to get help with your anxiety. There’s no possible way social services will intervene unless it’s to signpost you to some more support. Please try not to worry, I know it’s hard.

Hi. I work for an NHS therapy service. This is a standard question at the assessment and would not result in a report to SS. We reassure people in our assessment, that we will only use this information if we have significant concerns about the care of a child. Unless you disclosed difficulties in relation to the care of your child, nothing will happen. Hope that reassures you. Good luck with the therapy it really can be life changing.

I suffered from bad pnd and was referred to a psychiatrist at my local hospital, husband was scared it would effect our child but my case worker assured me that just because your depressed or anxious this isn't reason to inform social services, they will only do so if they are concerned about the child's welfare. Don't worry! Well done for speaking up x