Will I be referred to social services?

[Worried2020]

Hi all,

I’ve been feeling very anxious since my baby was born over three months ago. Just general health anxiety and worrying thoughts that baby could come to harm when out and about. Things like a car hitting us in the pram or someone spilling coffee on her in a coffee shop etc.

I thought it would get better but Its becoming quite exhausting so I’ve self referred for therapy through the NHS website - just doing that made me feel a bit better. Anyway I’ve just had the triage call today and the lady was very nice but the asked what my daughters name was as she said they need to know of any child in the house under 18. I’m now beside myself that they are going to call social services and she’ll be taken off me until I’m better. Will they refer me to social services? I’m terrified, my husband will be so upset with me (haven’t told him how I’m feeling as I don’t want to upset or worry him).

Can I call back and ask them to not do that? I’m so worried, I wish I’d never called up and just sorted it myself.

Hi OP

You sound exactly like me after my DS was born. I had severe post natal anxiety and depression. I was terrified of going mad and hurting my baby and was so scared that I took myself to A and E. They did notify SS as I mentioned my baby (please note that I never wanted to hurt him at all) but SS called my DH, had a brief chat about what support I had and that was it.

My GP, HV and the mental services were amazing and I got better - so will you.

My DS is now 4 and everything is normal

Do not cancel the therapy!

They may contact social services but it is highly unlikely the baby will be removed from you. I would say that given you're asking for help would make it less likely, not more, as you're actively seeking help.

Also chiming in to say your GP needs to avail themselves of the latest research and clinical guidelines. Breastfeeding most certainly does not mean you cannot be on antidepressants - sertraline being one such example of a safe antidepressant to take. The quantities that transfer to the milk are miniscule and in most cases undetectable so please consider seeing another gp and discussing if your symptoms persist. I experienced everything you describe with my first baby and bitterly regret the lost months of enjoyment I could have had if I had been on antidepressants rather than battling on.

This is really common. Believe me. I was the same I even used to go down the stairs on my bottom when carrying the baby as I was so scared of falling and harming him. Don't be embarrassed or ashamed. If your midwife and GP aren't sympathetic ask to see different ones they're in the wrong not you. You absolutely will not have your child taken away or be seen as an unfit mother. You will get support, reassurance and realise it's normal and you can deal with this.

@Livpool oh no really? That scenario is my worst nightmare. I’m so sorry you went through that and glad you’re better. I hope to dear god they don’t call my husband.

It seems like they might inform social services then? How can I find out?

I feel so panicky

Well done for reaching out.
There’s a really good podcast here about perinatal mood disorders that I found very helpful.

I had pre natal depression and post natal anxiety and at the time there wasn’t any mention of these things, although there was screening for pnd. It was a terribly lonely time and I was terrified of ds being taken away if I admitted what was happening.

@Puddlelane123 yes I was surprised he said that! I though he would put me on them

Do some breathing exercises. Deep breaths and count your breath in for as long as you can. Then count out and try to make the exhale slower than the inhale. Do at least 10 of these.
Don't try and make any decisions whilst you're feeling panicky.
You've done the right thing reaching out for help. Honestly you have x

Thanks everyone for your support but I think I might try to cancel everything. It’s not worth the worry of SS being involved xxx

I was a short term and emergency foster carer. I can tell you that all social services do, for parents like you, if indeed they do anything, is offer support. it's very hard to get your child taken away from you! I fostered two children whose mother had severe mental health problems. When she was in hospital, I cared for them, when she came home, she looked after them. She brought up two well adjusted, lovely children, who are successful adults now. Please don't worry, you have done the right thing.

I don't know if they'll refer to ss but if they do, I wouldn't be worried. You're not the first mum who will have felt like this and you're seeking help which is great. Try not to worry x

I think getting help would be the best thing - you seem to be thinking the worse - I know i did.

The sooner you get treatment then the better for you and your family

I imagine in Livpool’s case they referred to social services because she presented to A&E as an acute case, and there are protocols which A&E have to follow. It would be highly unusual for this to happen in the context you describe. Not least because Social Services would be inundated with referrals if the threshold was to refer mums who suffer anxiety or depression in the postnatal period. Genuinely, do not worry about a referral. I speak from experience when I say that this is not something they will get involved in and in the astonishingly unlikely event they did, they would quickly deduce that you pose no threat to your child and can receive appropriate support from the usual avenues of gp / health visitor etc.

Definitely see another GP x

I really wouldn't cancel...the fact you're seeking help is a really positive thing. Sadly there's children living in horrendous situations...ss are overstretched. I'm a real worried but honestly I don't think you need to be.

Sorry that should read 'i'm a real worrier'

I tried to leave my first in NICU because I thought he was a doll. I then tried to kill myself. Almost 5 years and another baby later I'm still under adult mental health services and see a pyschriatrist. At no point, has anyone ever referred me to social services. I did get extra visits from the health visitor and was encouraged to build a support network of other mums. They offered to come with me to groups if I needed that.

What's your support network like? Do you have friends you can confide in?

Re breastfeeding and AD's - the doc put me on Sertraline when DS was a few months old knowing he was breastfed. Still breastfeeding and still taking Sertraline now and DS is 3 in March.

Please don't cancel. I truly dont think SS will be involved at all and even if they are, it will be to help you, not to take your child away.

I worried about this before going to docs but now I realise that its really, really common to be anxious after having a baby. It doesn't mean that you're crazy and cant look after your DS, just means you need a bit of help to sort your anxiety out.

Please, please do not cancel the appointments. There are people who can help you. I very much doubt you will be referred to SS, I think I was in a much worse place than you, and I don't think SS were involved, they certainly never contacted me. I just received lots of help and support.
Please tell your DH, just because he had a negative reaction to a family member, it sound as if that was because his parents were put under pressure. You will need his support too, my DH was brilliant, took me by surprise how good he was; when he came home from work, he could just tell if I'd had a bad day (usually from the state of the house!) and just took over.
You are a good mum, you just need to let others help you feel better about things.

AmelieTaylor yes saw my gp yesterday, he wasn’t really interested. He said I shouldn’t take AD while breastfeeding...
See another GP
This gives me the rage
Completely false
There are safe ones to take OP
Don’t cancel
The questions about children are standard
You have taken a big step
Keep going

They won't refer you to social services. Your health visitor will come out to see you.

Please don't cancel the therapy. What you are going through is really common and not in any way a sign that you aren't a fit mum!

I'll tell you about my experience to try and reassure you. I developed PTSD after a traumatic birth and had all sorts of terrifying thoughts and specifically had disturbing thoughts that I might suddenly take a downturn and harm my baby. I should add I never thought of actually doing it, more I was scared that I might develop psychosis. I had a long period of therapy and the psychologist told me that these types of intrusive thoughts are common in new mothers. I can't remember the exact number but more have intrusive thoughts than don't.

SS was one of my fears but she told me that no mum seeking help for a mental health problem will be referred unless there is a concern that they will actually harm or neglect their baby. And she was right. No referral, but they informed my health visitor who rang me every now and then to offer support. I explained that I was being well cared for by perinatal support and that was that. Nothing horrible happened, although I was so afraid at the time.

So many women struggle with their mental health after having a baby. You are really brave to seek help and you deserve support to feel better. It's really important to look after yourself as a new mum and your mental health is an important part of that.

Please be reassured that these services are there to help you. They helped me through the darkest time with nothing but compassion and I am now much happier and healthier for it. Please don't be afraid to ask for help when you're struggling. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.

They may inform your health visitor but I doubt SS.

My neighbour is a dreadful parent and SS won't get involved (drugs, domestic violence, leaving under age kids alone etc) so I doubt they would bother for something so normal like you're going through.

@Puddlelane123 thank you I will try to see another GP x