Feeling very depressed

[Marley023]

Hi I’ve never wrote on this before but I am feeling very lost. I am a mum of 3 all under 5 my youngest is 6 months and ever since I’ve had him I feel like I don’t want to be here anymore. I hate myself for saying it because the thought of leaving my children behind makes me feel sick but I don’t know how much longer I can go on. I live with constant anxiety that my children will get sick and when they are that something serious will happen even if it’s just a cold. My relationship with their dad has severely deteriorated because I’m so miserable. I tried to tell him how I felt but he doesn’t understand he said I am selfish and only think about what’s wrong with me when that is the complete opposite of what I’m thinking my children consume my every thought. My baby has been poorly for about 2 weeks now so I’m only getting a couple of hours a night. I’m so sick of feeling like this I’ve never been depressed before and it’s getting to the point now where I actually feel like disappearing. I take my children out all the time farms, parks etc and I used to love doing this but recently I just can’t be bothered to leave my house. Any advice from anyone who’s felt like this?

I understand completely. I’ve had post natal anxiety. It’s horrendous. It’s not your fault and your partner needs to be a bit more understanding really. My partner is not the most empathetic really, and so I know what you mean about having no one to talk to.
Have you asked your gp for help? Or health visitor? Have you tried medication? There are many other things you can do too, like trying cognitive behavioural therapy/exercise (clearly you may not have much time/help).
Hang in there. I only have one and one on the way - I don’t know how anyone copes with 3 so young. No choice I guess.x

Thanks for writing back. I have made 2 appointments at my gp but cancelled both of them because I got scared! As for my oh I know he does care however it’s just not the way he is he doesn’t really talk about his feelings etc. I hope things will get better soon I know it’s because it’s hard work with them all! Congratulations on your pregnancy xx

I would really encourage you to go through with the gp appointment. It's ok to need some help. I'm still ttc myself but have suffered from anxiety a few years back and found medication to be completely life changing.

You won't feel the way you do now forever. Things will get better. You're doing a great job.

But book that appointment for sure x

Hello. I have just read this thread and could have written this myself. My little one was a year on 30th december and as lovely as the year has been, it's really hit home that for a whole year I've felt a feeling of uselessness. I think I need to speak to the go but like you, I can't bring myself to book the appointment. Its really becoming an issue at home, today my other half suggested we postpone the wedding which has made me feel 100 times worse. I just don't know what to do. How are you feeling now? X

@Ottootto2 book that gp appointment. You don't deserve to feel miserable for a year. It's ok to need a bit of help.

I have felt much better over the Christmas holidays even though I always feel a bit low over as my dad passed away on the 28th dec 2 years ago. I am a bit worried now as school & work are starting back today which means I am in my own again! My youngest has improved though only wakes up once in the night and has stopped crying all the time as soon as he sees me, I think this is because over the holidays I passed him to his dad as much as possible. I still have very bad anxiety and I’m trying as much as possible to not pass it on to my older 2. I know I will feel down again as this has happened before I seek to feel better then the slightest thing will make me feel very down! I hope you start to feel better aswell I think I will go to gp now whilst I am feeling better as when I feel down I just know I will not go! We should all know children are hard and we are doing the best we can so please don’t feel useless because you definitely are not xx

Also about your partner postponing the wedding have you told him the way you feel?

Thank you for replying. Its alot easier to talk to someone over a screen with no face to front if you know what I mean. Also nice that you under stand. I'm so pleased youre feeling better and that your little one has been a bit easier. I'm sorry to hear your dad passed, it does get easier but takes so long. I think booking a gp app would be a good idea now so you can go over things whilst you feel like you have control of the situation so can over come problems when you're feeling low.
I said to my other half that if hes feeling like he wants to postpone the wedding then are we compatible to even get married. What happens if I feel low and depressed 5 years down the line, we cant get a temporary divorce for that period. I feel really let down by him and wonder now if he panic proposed because of our little one. Should the wedding go a head at any point I now feel like it's going to be because he wants to keep the peace as opposed to me being his wife. I feel very un easy about the whole situation. Thank you for listening x

I understand and think I would feel the same. My partner is not very empathetic and can never seem to see where I am coming from. I know he loves me but I do think sometimes are we only together because we have children. I’m not really sure what advice to give you other than suggesting to postpone something which is supposed to give you a lot of happiness seems like a silly idea! Organising your wedding will keep your mind busy and give you something to look forward to! Also your right it is so much easier to talk to someone you don’t know xx